ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

beautiful death

this is terrible and not proofread
happy holidays and what not, love you guys.

february 24

omniscient

dawn had been sitting in the rain outside of her house for at least an hour. she'd wanted it to soak into her clothes and through her skin. she'd wanted it to completely drown her face because if she convinced herself it was simply the rain making her face wet then was she really crying?

the only thought running through dawns head was "do not let me suffer."
she was speaking to a higher power or something of the sort — she always thought there was something though she didn't like to dive deep into it.

"if i am to die at the end of this— do not make me suffer" she prayed "do not make me die slowly, do not make the pain the last thing i feel when i close my eyes for good."

dawn believed she didn't deserve this.
she believed that whatever karma she was enduring was a mistake. when she heads back inside, it's a slow walk. it's slow and laced with so much mope that even she can't pity herself.

when her phone dings she knows who it is, it's not her mother— even she would not text her this early
dawn picks up her phone, clothes still wet and all.

her girlfriend had texted her good morning, asking if she'd want to get coffee and catch the sunrise.

truthfully, dawn wanted to be alone. she wanted to rot in a room for all she cared. disregarding that she responded with "sure :)"
-
when billie walks inside dawns room she notices she's still in the shower as she hears the water running.
dawns room was messy, to say the least. her bed was not made, trash piling her nightstand and her clothes were everywhere but her closet.

billie took the opportunity to make dawns bed and throw dirty clothes into her hamper. she felt sympathy for her girlfriend. she'd been sad for the last couple of days, for whatever reason dawn would not tell her.

when she throws the final piece of trash away dawn walks out of the bathroom. her hair dripping wet, loose curls now touching her back instead of it sitting on her shoulders.

billie simply stares at her. she found her girlfriend to be the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen.

"hi, pretty girl" billie stands kissing her cheek.

"you didn't have to," dawn says referring to her now clean room, her girlfriend only shakes her head "it wasn't a problem."

billie checks the time.

5:30 am.

after doing so, she sits turned around on dawns bed to which dawn chuckles.
because though they are dating she would not want to overstep boundaries and make her girlfriend uncomfortable.

"finished" dawn says softly causing billie to turn around. dawn looks at billie through the mirror as she brushes her hair.

she smiles even though the pain erupting everywhere on her body is unbearable. she knew that come time, her beautiful hair would be in piles. she knew that her eyes will sink and her face will grow slim.

she almost wondered how the chemo was "saving" her if she were losing weight, her appetite, and her hair.

she wondered if billie would adore the way she does now.

meanwhile, billie had moved behind her, staring at her with pure adoration.
"je veux embrasser tes lèvres. je veux embrasser partout jolie fille" billie mumbles "je suis tellement amoureux de toi."

dawn laughs.

"you still have not taught me, french love."

billie shakes her head with a warm smile as dawn stands and begins her walk out of her room. she tries to put speed her steps as she doesn't want her girlfriend to worry, yet she fails.

"are you okay, " billie asked, concern laced in her voice, dawn only hummed as she opened her front door.
-
dawn had decided she wanted to tell someone about her dying body. she needed to. she felt it weighing on her and she didn't like it.

so when dawn hugged her girlfriend goodbye and walk inside her apartment she texted tiana and asked if they could talk.

tiana replied with a sure and now they sit on dawns living room floor.
"what did you want to talk about," her friend says.

"i just needed some advice" dawn swallows, her throat suddenly running dry.
"if you feel as if you're keeping something from someone you love, what do you do?"

tiana runs a hand through her faded pink hair "i tell them— even if i really don't want to. communication is always key."

dawn nods "but what if i really can't tell them? i feel like it would be too much for them, and they wouldn't want to be with me anymore."

tiana was concerned for her friend dawn. she watched her eyes follow the lines she was tracing on her floor. tiana noticed the tears welling in dawns eyes, she didn't know what was the matter.

"dawn" tiana said as she moved closer to her "what is it? you can tell me."

dawn felt her throat close, she didn't want to cry. she'd done too much of it already.
"my girlfriend— she is so precious i don't want her to worry about me."

"what would she be worrying about," tiana says as she lifts dawns head.

"my cancer" dawn didn't say anything else after those two words, she couldn't.

"oh, dawn" tiana whispered as she brings her into a hug, "it's okay."

the sound of tianas voice is nonexistent to dawn suddenly. she can only hear her choked cries inside of her head.

—i mean dawn could hardly even feel her friend's touch, fore' she was far too disconnected from reality at the moment.

dawn thought she was pathetic. she thought again about what she could've done to deserve this.

"what would make the universe do this," she thought, she couldn't fathom why this illness was placed upon her so early in life and why it has returned as soon as everything was looking good for dawn.

dawn realized in her early stages of life that she and everyone around her were not invulnerable to death. she realized that everyone around her was to die someday, whether it be next week or in ten years.

she couldn't understand the people that said death was beautiful; though she wanted to.

dawn wanted to understand how the unpredictability of death was so breathtaking and did it fit beautifully on her too?

1075 words