ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

the inevitability of death

july 15

omniscient

it's been raining all day in san antonio, the air was moist— almost smothering as billie stepped out of dawns apartment and into her car.
she'd slept there simply because she missed her girlfriend, and they wouldn't allow her to sleep in the hospital.

it was almost sunset yet she was going to go see dawn, as she's been doing since her girlfriend was placed in the hospital.
billie kept herself calm these past couple of days, yet her anxiety never left her, and the tightening aching feeling in her chest never even thought of lifting to let her breathe.

because even if billie did not want to admit it, her heart knew that her girlfriend was dying. perhaps it was trying to prepare her but billie ignored the thoughts and forced herself to think of dawn getting better.

billie grabs the pink tulips from her backseat, and a bottle of water walking through the hospital doors, as she has a quick conversation with the front desk and heads to dawns room where she looked to be asleep.

billie takes a seat on the chair next to the hospital bed as she's done every day, before placing the flowers in their homemade vase.
as she stared at her sleeping girlfriend she let tears escape her eyes, because god did she love dawn. she could not grasp the fact dawn was laying here in this hospital bed, skinny and weak after they did everything in their power to stop this.

billie rubs her hands down her face as she took hold of dawns hand, rubbing the back of it.
dawn; feeling billies touch, tried to smile as she knew woke up yet she couldn't. she could hardly even breathe.
her body hurt in ways she couldn't describe.
and though dawn tried to focus her attention onto billies touch all she could feel was death tugging her harder.

as for billie, she wanted nothing more than to hear her girlfriend's voice as all she did yesterday was sleep. she wanted to hear her conspiracies, her thoughts, and her dreams.

she just wanted to hear her.

"billie," she says as she squeezes her lover's hand. billie immediately responds with a "yes, do you need anything?"

dawn chuckles only a little, "just you my love, just you."
billie could feel dawn beginning to tug on her hand, "what is it" billie asked.
"come here" dawn replies, billie leans down in front of her girlfriend allowing dawn to place a delicate kiss on her nose and then her lips.

as dawns eyes finally opened butterflies erupted in her stomach seeing billie, as they've done a million times before.
she felt so much love for billie it was absolutely insane because even in her condition she was still able to blush in a nobody else could make her.

as dawn sighs, billie can feel the tears from earlier stirring back up.
she didn't know why she was crying, maybe it was the fact that she knew dawn wasn't trying anymore, or maybe it was her mind playing games on her, making her think of things she shouldn't.

her eyes begin to sting as her throat burns and closes tightly as if she herself was dying too.
her tears drop onto the white sheet of the hospital bed and she can't help but squeeze her eyes shut for a moment.

"why are you crying angel" dawn asked, billie shook her head "you're leaving me."

dawn shook her head slightly "i'm not leaving you billie— so dramatic."
billie laughed at her girlfriend despite more tears spilling from her eyes.

dawn chuckles even though it hurts, she knew she needed to cut this conversation short, fore' she was running out of breath.

"i love you billie," dawn says, "i've loved you since i met you. you are forever mine— kiss me again please," and now dawn was crying because even though she knew it was her time she didn't want anything without her billie.

billie kisses her girlfriend, she kisses her so deeply that she feels it coursing through her veins.

"be good— take care of yourself, my love."

billie sobs "this sounds like a goodbye dawn— you said" dawn cuts off the crying girl
"i know what i said, this isn't a goodbye baby, simply a see you later."

it's silent, and the room feels small to billie as she watched dawns chest rise slowly up and slowly down.
all she could think about is how aching this heartbreak is going to be. how she hated herself for not being able to save her, though she knew there was nothing she could ever do.

dawn inhales deeply before saying the words "jusqu'à ce que nous nous retrouvions ma belle billie."

billie drops her head weakly, as if giving up and letting go of what could've been. of what they could've had if the universe would've just let them.

and as the inevitable happens— dawn closes her eyes with dried tears on her slim cheeks and a hand in billies.

she exhales her last breath.
billies heart breaks for good.

854 words