ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

the brightest star

sorry i just never update and leave you guys
this is short and bad.

april 3

billie

the sun began to shine into my car, blinding my eyes with its rays as i turn into the hospital parking lot.
they had kept dawn in the hospital for longer to run scans on her and try out new medicine they'd cooked up as if she was simply a test dummy.

with that being said, dawn has practically been— not herself for a week straight. i wanted to get her as soon as possible, so that's why i am here at seven in the morning.

after getting out of my car and having a talk with the lady at the front desk, im joining ms. sahar in dawns room.
dawn looks—so skinny in the face and so dull in the eyes that it's truly gut-wrenching.

"good morning," i say to her mother, and she returns it with a smile. i hated to have met her in such circumstances, for us to see each other in vulnerable and difficult states like that, just wasn't anything as id imagined.

when she put dawn in the wheelchair, and her bookbag full of her things were on my back we began to take dawn outside and into the car.

when closing the trunk to her mom's car, she hugs me. she says thank you and i don't know what to do.

i hug her back, tightly, because though i love dawn i know that her mom feels the pain the worst of us all. "if you weren't there" she chokes "i don't know what could've happened."

we hug for a while longer and i even think i can feel her pain leaking into my skin because it begins to hurt. when our hug is over she says "i have work but, could you make sure she takes her medicine and gets lots of rest."

"of course of course," i say to her, it pains me that she just had to continue her day after this.
finally im in my car, leaning over the console to kiss dawns cheek.

"my love" dawn whispers weakly, i hum, she smiles.

"kiss my lips" she says, i obliged. dawn kisses me and it feels different— as if she's already slipped her frail body out of my fingers.
-
i try to stay positive.

i try to look at the brighter side of things but sometimes that not-so-bright side seems to overshadow my ability to stay happy and "upbeat."
my thoughts are soon replaced and suddenly i can feel the energy of sadness creeping its way into my body; my veins.

"dawn is back from the hospital."
"she's eating."
"she's moving in her own."

all great things that i'm so proud of dawn for, but as i lay next to her sleeping body i can't help but think.

"she could have a seizure again."
"she doesn't look like she's getting better."
"dawn could die in her sleep right now."

and i don't want to think these thoughts but they still happen.
i can't stop the thoughts that say dawn will die and i can't help the once's that say i will forget the way she sounds.

i will forget the way she feels, the way she holds me. i don't want to forget dawns lips or the way they've kissed me one hundred times and more.

i want dawn to stay alive with me. i need dawn to stay alive with me or else i don't know what'd i'd do.
id wallow for the rest of my life. id think of things that could've been and wish that the universe would've made an exception for us.

and even if dawn has to die in the end of our story, id wish the universe would make her the brightest star in the galaxy— so i can know exactly where to find her when all i feel is darkness.

645 words