Stucky's lost daughter (LokixReader)

Chapter nineteen: downward spiral

Y/N POV

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

The last couple of weeks have been rough, but I tried my best to hide it in frond of everyone else around me.

A few days later way, after he was gone I stopped crying most of the time. So now everyone thought that I was slowly getting over it.

We talked a lot, but my mind started to turn even darken the more we talked about it. Every time I looked into the mirror, I was disgusted from myself.

I felt every spot on my skin where he had kisses me lovingly and passionately and now, there was nothing but a feeling of emptiness all over me.

When I was with Loki he made me feel better and all my insecurity lessened a bit and he even was able to like my body. I also started to develop a healthy relationship with my body.

But now there was nothing. Nothing but sadness that lingered into my body with every passing hour.

I spend a lot of time going for walks or letting my anger out on one of the punching bags or running till I couldn't even breath.

The first few days no one said a thing when I said I wasn't hungry or in a good mood, because everyone thought it was normal because Nat even explained it to me that things like that are normal after the recent events.

A couple of days later I was standing in front of the mirror and looking at myself after finishing my shower.

I started to tear up when I looked at myself and suddenly started to cry again. Going down for every single meal turned into a challenge and soon the rest of the team started to notice it.

I felt even worse when I felt myself slipping even further into old habits and the old negativ thought are coming back stronger everyday. 

At first I tried my best to ignore it as best as I could possibly do, but I knew that this time around that there was no escape.

It was now 2 weeks ago when Thor and Loki left us. I was getting ready to go to the gym when someone knocked at my door. I was already changed so I said they could come in. It was Tony who told me that breakfast was ready and I should come down and eat.

I tried my best to argue with him because I felt already big in my body so I didn't need food to make me more fat. The moment I opened my mouth to say no he has already started to stalk,

" Listen kid I know what happened in the last week was kinda rough and we get it trust me, but we are also very worried about you and you health. So please can I come in so we don't have this conversation in the doorway."

I said of course even thought only the first sentence makes me already anxious enough. We both sat down on my bed and he started again.

" So l-like I already said we are more than worried about you. You don't eat, you don't sleep and you're exercising nearly the whole day and..."

"I DO EAT AND SLEEP THE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME  WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME I'M FINE  CAN'T YOU SEE THAT" I cried out, on the verge of tears and nearly shouting at him.

" I...I'm sooo sorry I....I...I didn't mean to yell at you" I sobbed by now. Tony hugged me gently, calmed me down and answered "Shhhh its ok kiddo. I'm not going to tell anyone. But don't lie to me I know that you don't eat. Jarvis told me that you sometimes tent to skip meals or don't sleep at night so I told him to keep an eye on you and he should notify me if your doing that again" , he explained to me.

I looked down at my lab and realized that he has been tracking me all those through Jarvis the entire time, I was shocked and felt scared.

"I...I'm sorry it's just so much to take for me a-and I didn't really realized that" I said, which was obviously a lie, but luckily he didn't say anything.