Stucky's lost daughter (LokixReader)

Chapter twenty one: attempt

Y/N POV
*TRIGGER WARNING*
When I woke up again I was in a massiv pain. It's not like the one that I'm used to it but it was confusing me because I didn't knew where it come from.

I opened my eyes to see Tony sitting on my left bedside and Bruce coming into the room. I tried to get up but fore some reason I was to weak and my attempt failed miserably.

Bruce told me to lay down and Tony carefully pushed me back into the comfy bed. I was told that I was on bed rest and that they need to tell my dads what has happened.

I was filled with fear but what followed scared the living shit out of me. They told me that they put me on IV fluids and a nutrition bag to help me gain weight again and get me stable because according to Bruce my lab was pretty bad and so are my vitals.

It was just simply to much that I started to cry. The door opened and I thought that Bruce or Tony had left but instead my dads ran into the lab. My papa (Bucky) came up to me and hugged me while my other dad questioned Tony and Bruce in a furious tone.

I buried my head into his chest and continued to cry. He comforted me and repeated soothingly over and over "shh it's okay. It's all gonna be okay".

Now I was hugged by both of my dads and eventually I calmed down. I shyly looked up to see their concerned and anxious faces. I slowly sat up and did my best to explain how I endet up in here.

I told them that I skipped meals by lying to them and that I'm sorry about that, but I couldn't help it. From time to time Tony or Bruce interrupted me to fill in some missing information due to the fact that I tried my best to let it look as harmless as possible.

By the end of it both of my parent had a mixed look on their faces. It was a mix of anger I guess but also sorrow, sadness, pain and something I can't explain. When I saw that both of them had tears in their eyes it breaks my heart and I nearly  started to cry.

Now that I was finished explaining it was their turn to ask questions and of course it was hard to be honest because honestly some questions I didn't what to answer them for myself.

I started to feel extremely tiered and drowsy and my eyelids started to drop. The yawn I was holding back for so long was now finally escaping my mouth. They all told me that it would be okay if I would go to sleep and that it was totally normal for me to feel this way.

I asked if my dads could stay and they agreed in an instant. I cuddles onto my dad(Steve) chest while papa carefully stroked my nose (that's how you fall asleep easier when you where younger) until I fall asleep.

*nightmare*
I woke up in the middle of the day. I was sitting in class with Flash right next to me. He looked disgusted at me, started to laugh and said mean things to me, like that I was so fat and ugly and that I should do everyone on this god damn planet a favor and kill myself.

Soon after that the whole class joined in and I started to cry. I turned my head around and I was back at HYDRA.

I was strapped onto a cold metal table and all around me where lots of needles, syringes with weird and glowing liquids. When I looked down I saw that I had restrains all over my body. They are on my wrists, feet, upper legs and around by belly.

Then suddenly the big door on the other side of the room opened and a doctor in a white coat entered. The had a folder in his hands and was reading something in it. He looked at me up and down, put on a scary smile on his face and came closer and closed until he stopped right in front of me.

"Ah finally, you are back. I missed you and the fun we had together, but my my look at you.....you got weak. I can see that in your beautiful (y/e/c) eyes like it's screaming right at me" he smirked.

"HELP PLEASE STOP IT!! LET ME GOOOO!" I screamed but there was no luck. " Let's look at you .... We'll you got bigger and by the look of you even weaker than I thought at first. Soo let's have some fun " and with that the started.

It felt like hours and the pain doesn't stopp. He used a lot of needles and other things where I didn't know the name of it and when I look down at myself I had a tons of new cuts who will leave some nasty scars. When he used the last machine I screamed from the top of my lungs ...
*nightmare ends*

I woke up screaming. I put my hands up to my head to protect myself from any pain I expected to come.

I was after what felt hours my breath started to slow down and I looked around the room. I was looking around the room and noticed I wasn't at HYDRA anymore, instead I was back home in the med bay.

I was still in a fight or fight mode and my brain choose flight. When I saw that I was alone I took that as my cue to leave. As I ripped out my IV I flinched in pain, after that I pulled of that thing that measured my blood pressure and the buttons from the ECG.

I wanted to jump out of the bed but as I stepped out of it I almost fall down. I gathered myself up and stumbled on the first steps towards the door.

To support my weight I leaned into the wall while I waited for the door to open. When she finally does it I tried my best to get as fast as possible back to my room. On the way up I stumbled a lot but I somehow managed to get to my room without falling.

My thoughts still running wild, the first thing that came into my mind was to lock myself into my bathroom. My thoughts where so loud and with the flashback who didn't stopp I didn't notice that JARVIS informed my parents that I went out of the med bay.

I was shaking so bad, because my mind was still telling I'm back at HYDRA. I felt so lost and helpless that I sank down on the wall, pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed quietly.

The flashbacks continued to crash over me and everything that I had experienced there and in school. I imagined that nobody would even miss me and that it would be the best to be gone for everyone and that it's always me, the problem. I thought the best thing I could do right now was die.

I remembered that I still have a blade that was hidden befinde the sink. On all fours I slowly robbed over to the sink with my eyes full of tears.

Somewhere deep down in me I knew that this was a bad idea but for now it was the only solution for me. I grabbed the blade and started to do a few small cuts. I started in the middle of my upper arm and moved down to my wrist.

I looked down and saw the crimson red blood running down my arm and my thought slowly started to calm down. When I heard a loud knock followed by scrams from behind the door I panicked again.

I thought that they where back and are going to take me back into the torture room. With my vision starting to get blurry I started to think to myself. My parents are disappointed, I'm being a burden and a problem, fat and ugly and the love of my life is dead.

I decided that I had nothing more to live for so I picked up the blade with my shaky hands for the last time.

When I was about to drag it down my wrist the door opened. I felt like all that happened was in slow motion. Th door opened and I saw my dads together with Bruce and Tony running towards me but I was so determined to end it.

When I sat down the blade on my skin I saw their looks on their terrified faces, but for me it was time to go. I started to feel the darkness surrounding me, but I bushed down and slit it right over my wrist.

Everything went quiet and I finally felt at peace before my vision started to cloud even more. My breathing started to slow and I felt extremely exhausted and sleepy. By now my dads and Tony where by my side, putting pressure on the cuts along my arm but I was so tiered I didn't noticed that.

I only could faintly hear voices but none of them are able to get through me. The last thing I could do was take my final breath.

I slowly inhaled the oxygen looked around and it felt peaceful and quiet. When I breathed out I thought about the pain that was about to end and it made me happy and relaxed. With tears in my eyes I whispered out " I'm sorry but now I'm at peace and it didn't hurt anymore. I'm finally free" before the dark surrounded me.