The Sands Of Tshani 2

Part 46

**Anam

I woke up in a lighter mood than last night, I took a quick wash and went to make breakfast for my family, it's been a while ey. I went all out, omelette, fries, tomato, cucumber and bread. I went to wake them up, it was round about 7am. Mom went to wash her face and her mouth and then came to the kitchen and then I went to Gogi's room, she was sleeping so peacefully and cute. I patted her lightly.

Me: Gogi

I didn't get a response. I called out again but still nothing. I put my hand next to her nose to feel her breathing but nothing.

Me: MA!

I shouted from Gogi's room. This couldn't possibly be happening. Not now!

Me: MAMA!

I shouted again trying to wake my grandmother up but still nothing. what is this? why now? she couldn't possibly be dead. Not now and definitely not like this.

"What is it baby" I turned around and was met by mom walking in with a worried face, I was already crying. This woman laying on this bed is my everything. How am I supposed to go on without her? how am I supposed to have this child without her? she was supposed to be there with me in the delivery room. Yes, I was planning on giving birth with my grandmother in the delivery room right with me. seemingly school will have to wait... again

Her: what is it baby? Why are you crying?

Me: its Gogi... she's not breathing Ma

I said with my voice failing me dismally. Mom came over the side I was sitting on and felt her pulse and by the look on her face you could tell that she was about to tell me something I'm not ready to hear. Yes, I walked in on her like this but I didn't want to hear it. I wouldn't be able to process those dreadful words. she sat down with tears running down her cheeks.

Her: I'm sorry Nam. She's gone

I shook my head as she had done yesterday when mom and I laughed at her saying she refuses to hear me tell her to forgive Olunje. It was like my world just came crumbling down on me, why? Did she not pray enough? did I not pray enough? what is it? why? I need a flipping explanation. Why did he have to take her away from me? I thought we were happy last night. we were supposed to have a nice breakfast together; she was supposed to accompany me to the bus station as I head to Durban to catch a plane back to school. She's not supposed to be dead. She was supposed to stand there with the rest of my small family and give me away to Marcel's family on my wedding day. Why was I the one to walk in on her dead? Why did God do this to me? why would he let me go through this? I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I could feel my chest closing up as the tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't want to believe she was gone. I did this exercise my doc had taught me, I started counting down from 10 to 1 as I breathed in and out slowly as I could trying to get my chest to open up and it actually worked.

Me: Gogi please wake up

I called out to her as my voice failed me. she needed to wake up. At least for me or her great granddaughter. Mom was sitting below the pedestal crying silently with her face buried in her hands. I don't know who needed to be strong for who here because Gogi was her mother and Gogi was my best friend so we both lost big time. After what seemed like 30 minutes or so mom got up and walked out of the room. I was now lying next to her crying my heart out. I wasn't ready to let go of my grandmother.

"I called the clinic, an ambulance is coming"

That was mom but I didn't dare give her attention. I heard her walk out as I prayed asking the Lord to bring her back to me.

Me: I need her. you know I do. Why would you take her now? why couldn't you wait? How am I supposed to live without her? Why would you take her away from me? please bring her back, she's my everything. She's my best friend. I need her. What did she not do for you take her now? I'm begging you. Please bring her back to me. I need her. God I need her. I can't do this without her