You Get It

you are the reason

i just....i'm sorry this is really long. don't mention it. 😭

also, there's a tiny continuity errors from my other parts that are separate from this but i'm too lazy to go back and change them all. 🙄😬

anyways, i got inspired by listening to the song from the episode so i hope everyone enjoys and thank you for reading!

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"I should whoop your ass."

"What? What did I do?" Olivia's hands went up in defense. She knew what she did. She still wasn't going to admit it. 

Healthy? Probably not. Effective? Not really. Easier than the alternative? At the surface level, yes. So that's what she was rolling with.

"Olivia Mary, you are so damn hard headed. You're telling me that you and Spencer slept together and you looked that boy in the eyes and called it closure? Knowing damn well that you're still in love with him?" Simone's tone not sparing feelings. Now an hour into a FaceTime call, Olivia had just given the rundown of what was happening in Beverly Hills to the Atlanta based tennis star. She slightly regretted it at this moment because Simone was not necessarily agreeing with Olivia's "bury it and run" mentality. Rude.

"Not no" Olivia's response came out in a cringe filled mumble. 

Hearing the words come out of the mouth of her long distance best friend and former sister-in-law made it clear how silly it all sounded. Olivia knew exactly what that night meant to her and it was far from closure. It practically ripped her heart out of her chest to say those words but it was the only way she knew to protect herself. Having already made up the decision that she wasn't going to let Spencer break her heart twice, she decided to just beat him to the punch and say what she knew was going to come out of his mouth. Words that for some reason came flooding into her brain when she'd woken up in the middle of the night and got lost in her own mind. 

When she would think of their journey to this point, it seemed like there were times when she'd take a step forward and initiate with Spencer but just be left confused or hurt. Where he'd be saying things that made her want to shake him and yell her rebuttal right in his face.

They were caught up in the moment.

He didn't want to dim her light.

Blah blah blah. Those words always ended up jumbled in her brain and left her with conflicting feelings. 

It melted her heart and infuriated her all in the same breath when she considered how respectful Spencer was of her. All choices he made when it came to their relationship, whether platonic or romantic, were with the idea that he was protecting, respecting and loving her enough to do what he thought was best. It didn't mean that he was sometimes oblivious to the fact that he was in turn, taking away her freedom of choice. It was like he couldn't see that he was deciding for her and that it was the wrong choice. And in Olivia's eyes, that choice was barely even a one to begin with. It'd be Spencer. Every time. Without fail, it would be him for her. From the moment she'd locked eyes with him in that Biology class. It was forever going to be Spencer James.

That was easy to make sense of in Olivia's brain which in turn was where the frustration came in. Though she knew that he never did or said anything out of anything out pure intentions, it was frustrating to feel like she was at the mercy of those unilateral decisions. He'd have the best intentions but the words and actions would end up having the opposite effect and leave her hurt instead of happier. If she was being honest, it left Olivia wanting to climb a mountain and yell, "I love you, you idiot. I'm all in, no matter what. Stop deciding for me!"

Despite this, hearing his words when they split had been enough to also make her realize that though she loved Spencer with every bit of her, it was too easy to not guard herself the way she had been so used to doing with other people. It broke her even more to think that she'd never felt the need to or thought she would ever have to when it came to him. It was something that made all of this situation that much more complicated for her.