blood runs red ✓

II

'tough times never last, tough people always do'

- unknown

august

"You're incompetent and a waste of space."

For August Lopez, a phrase like this was completely normal. After four years of extensive shouting, screaming and insulting, August was used to it. Anger issues and abusiveness must come with the package of dating a boxer, right?

You would think that court-ordered anger management would help, or even going into boxing and letting the anger out on people and punching bags would do something. Clearly, for Sean at least, boxing didn't do enough.

Sean, 'the Ravager', Matthews was strong, handsome and good with the ladies. He wasn't good with his temper, or admitting his sexuality. He hated the idea of admitting that he genuinely enjoyed being with a man. 

He didn't show his adoration very well. In fact, sometimes it didn't seem like it was adoration. Sometimes, it seemed like disgust.

But how was August supposed to decipher what was love and what was not? He grew up surrounded by toxic 'love', and now knew nothing of what real love could possibly be. His mother was abused, his father was abusive. 

It was a cycle, was it not? Escape an abusive household and find yourself stuck in another one only a few years later.

August hated it. He told himself he'd never be stuck in a situation like his mother's, but when he drunkenly told Sean about his father being in jail, it gave Sean leverage. And so, whenever August tried to leave the boxer, he found himself being blackmailed into staying.

Over time, August became more and more naïve and gullible, which was exactly what Sean wanted. Emotional blackmail, physical blackmail, and manipulation for three years had August turned into the puppet Sean wanted. 

If you asked August how Sean was to him at the start of their relationship, you'd be surprised. The older man was sweet, caring and funded for everything and anything August could ask for, but that was for the first few months. About seven months into them dating, Sean changed.

Losing his matches made Sean a bitter, angry person. He was, unfortunately, an incredibly sore loser.  And since boxing only made him angrier, he needed to find another way to let his anger out. August was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and suddenly found out what it felt like to be his mother.

An hour after Sean first hit August, he came back into August's room in the outhouse and apologised, promising that it was an accident and he wouldn't do it again. He explained how upset he was after the match, and how he'd not left his boxing mindset. 

August believed him, because he was that type of person. August believed in second chances and forgiveness, which was a beautiful quality. It was only beautiful when he knew how much was enough. Time and time again, August let his boyfriend hit him, believing his excuses.

After a long talk with his mother, who was incredibly ill, August realised he was going through the same cycle his mother did. He neglected to tell his mom why he was asking about her own personal abuse, and luckily, she didn't realise why. What he then realised was that he had to leave, but he was already trapped. 

A year into their relationship, August tried to leave for the first time. That was when Sean first pulled out the threat of his father, Andrew Davis, being told of his whereabouts. Sean told August that he'd make him homeless, and stop paying his mother's medical bills. The threats were piling up, leaving August feel claustrophobic in the once-healthy relationship.

It was pointless, he told himself. He was completely, utterly, stuck with Sean Matthews. 

For now.