blood runs red ✓

XLII

'if you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you'

- tamara kulish

august

August didn't know how to response to Ares being... better. It was foreign. Ares being better was sweet, in August's opinion, and he quite appreciated it, but at the same time, the traumatised side of him didn't care about how badly he was treated before.

But he wasn't treated that badly, was he? Yes Ares was a bit rough, might've had selfish intentions at the start, but it was better eventually.

August didn't mind the way Ares treated him, not really. He was just mad about the fact that he was used for stupid reasons. He could easily go running back to Ares, pour his heart out and let a different boxer save him this time, but why would he?

He relied on others, but he hated dependency.

What if Ares was only pretending to be nice and eventually turned out like Sean, or if he loved August for a few months and realised why Sean was abusive, and became abusive too?

Fucking paranoia.

He realised he needed another opinion, and he didn't really have anyone to talk to. Well, there was always Alessia, but she was Ares' cousin, and his old boss probably had other things to worry about.

Elijah.

After the two smoked after their coffee shop meetup a few weeks back, they exchanged numbers and agreed to be each other's emotional support if needed, or if one wanted someone to smoke with. It was sweet, and it was friendship and August adored it.

They'd met up quite a lot, and somehow they were already close, really close. They bonded over all their traumas, and it was beautiful. He knew that he could talk to Elijah about his current struggle.

So he texted Elijah, albeit hesitantly, and was glad to see a quick response.

I'll see you at the coffee shop from last time, yeah?

Give me twenty minutes though. Finishing up work.

August smiled and got himself dressed and decided to finally open the duffle bag, since he would need money to buy a new pack of cigarettes and coffee, and holyfuckingshitwhatthefuck he did not expect to see stacks of hundreds piled up in the small bag. He didn't know how much it was, but it looked straight out of a Mafia movie.

He'd never held so much cash in his hands in life, and it made him smile. Ares did this for him, without anything needed in return, no ulterior motive. He wanted to help August, and even went as far as to deliver the money personally in cash, because he realised Sean was abusing August financially as well.

So he took a singular hundred dollar bill, smiled and left his outhouse feeling perfect.

"So, what's up August?"

They were sitting in a surprisingly safe-seeming alleyway, though it seemed sketchy, and were smoking already. They spent about a few minutes smoking silently before Elijah broke the silence.

"I have a Connor."

"That much was obvious."

August liked that about Elijah. He wasn't sappy and emotional, and joked about most of the traumatic things they discussed, which made the atmosphere feel lighter. He didn't have speeches on why August deserved better and offered to be there and whatnot. And August loved it.

And even though the words were never said, both of them knew they could count on each other whenever. It was an unspoken agreement, and it was helping both of them immensely.

"Shut up." August laughed. "I, er, surprisingly trust you not to say anything, but er, the Connor is Sean. Sean Matthews, the boxer guy."

"Shit, I knew he was abusive. He gave me that vibe, you know what I mean?" Elijah exhaled. "Like, whenever he was talking in interviews or whatever, he looked like the type of guy to smack someone out of the ring if they annoyed him."

"I'm someone."

"Sorry."

"It's fine." August laughed. "But anyways, Sean, he's er, he's not out. I'm his secret boyfriend, have been for four years. It wasn't always bad, but that's besides the point. The point is, you know his rival, Ares Cirillo?"

Elijah was starting to guess what had happened in his mind. "The hot guy? I'm straight but that guy could get it."

"I got it."

"Damn, August." Elijah seemed impressed. "Fair enough, you're good-looking too. So is Sean, but he's abusive so that dulls it down a bit."

"That's what I'm saying. Personality can make even the finest people kinda ugly."

"Absolutely. Back to your story?"

August nodded to himself. "Right, so, I agreed to do private physio for Ares, and then he said he wanted to hook up with me, and I was hesitant, because, er, cheating, but I know Sean's a cheater. So, after making a deal that he'd give me company and I'd give him my body, I guess, god that sounds bad, we hooked up. For months."

"That's hot, I'm not gonna lie."

August rolled his eyes. "I got attached, definitely fell in love, and I wanted something more. But Ares didn't, because he had commitment issues, and 'doesn't do relationships', and during this convo I was drunk and he was yelling and I ended up having a panic attack because he reminded me of Sean and I didn't talk to him for nearly two months."

"And?"

"And he stalked me to talk to me, and I accidentally slipped up about Sean hurting me, which was when you found me with a black eye in the coffee shop. A week later he came over to pay me for the physio and offered to help me with Sean, and god, he seemed like a whole new, kinder person."

"This was weeks ago then? What'd you say?"

"I walked away without saying anything and I've been thinking non-stop about it for, well, forever and I don't know what to do."

Elijah answered like it was obvious. "You accept the help."

"It's not that easy, though. There are reasons why I'm still with Sean, and I'm not comfortable talking about it with, well, anyone." August put his cigarette out and lit another. "And I'm.. fuck, I'm terrified that if I do end up with Ares, what if he ends up like Sean?"

"August, I say this in the nicest way, but maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Work on yourself." He shrugged. "Let Ares help you, then help yourself, and if you can work through your trust issues and trauma, then let yourself be with Ares. And if he hurts you like Sean, fuck it I'll kill him for you, okay?"

The Venezuelan man smiled and nodded, and they spent the next hour talking about other things, smoking and even getting a little bit high, for the fun of it.

And eventually answer was clear to him.

August wanted Ares.