Tease Me, Bella Beatrice

16:

Mahal ko pa rin?

I don't exactly know how to react on Gigi's question because I know for the fact that we are both hurting in a way we understand. Kahit hindi namin sabihin, kahit alam naming dalawa na naiintindihan namin, hindi pa rin maiiwasang magkasakitan. And that is perfectly fine. Kasama iyon sa buhay. Kasama sa pagmamahal. She accepted all of me when she decided to date and commit on me. I did the same. Iyon nga lang, nakakaguilty na kahit anong tagal na ng heartbreak ko, iyon pa rin ang prinoproblema ko hanggang ngayon. And the fact that Gigi is being dragged into this, it makes it even worse. I know what she must be thinking. What she's asking herself that ruins her. Imagine her asking herself every day the fear if my past woman comes back and I choose her?

Nasasaktan din ako habang iniisip iyon dahil unang-una, I should be sure with everything about her but here I am confused as hell. Hindi iyon magandang sign.

"I guess mahal mo pa rin."

"N-no. I mean I don't know, baby. Ang hirap-"

"Tama na, Pierce. I already know what you feel." She said.

Agad akong napatayo at lumapit sa kaniya para yakapin siya at pigilan sa pag-alis. I am hurting her again and she calling my name sounds like a divorce just now. I hugged her tight and kissed her forehead.

"No, baby. Sorry na. No, I don't love her anymore. Nagugulat lang ako sa bigla-bigla niyang pagsulpot and you know we had a past."

"It doesn't matter, Pierce." She said coldly. Sinusubukan pa ngang umalis sa pagkakayakap ko sa kaniya. "She is your past. I am your present and your future. Nakakainis lang makita kang ganiyan. It only means you love her still."

"Hindi nga, baby. And stop calling me by my name."

"Ayaw ko nga, e. Bitawan mo ako. Doon ka na kay Bella mo-"

"Shush baby naman, e." Pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya sana now that her voice is starting to crack. I held her tighter by her waist and one hand on her nape trying to stop her from crying. Ang hirap niyang tingnan sa mata dahil nakatungo lang siya pero alam kong umiiyak na ang isang ito. "Look at me, baby. Look at me. Ikaw lang. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko palagi, araw-araw. So please, stop crying na. Hmm?"

"Hindi 'yon ang sinasabi ng mga mata mo kanina sa kaniya."

"I'm sorry, baby. Then look at me and tell me what it is saying right now." I kept on making eye contact with her kahit na ayaw niya at pilit siyang lumilingon sa ibang direksyon. "Look at it and tell me how it looks like. Basahin mo rito kung sino ang mahal ko palagi."

It took me another minute just to calm her down and make her look at me eye to eye. Ngayon ay humihikbi ito nang mahina at tumutulo ang mga luha pero nakatingin naman sa akin. Dahan-dahan kong pinunasan ang luha niya.

"Tell me,"

"You're confused." She said. "You're bothered."

"I am not." Muli ko siyang pinutol at saka marahang hinalikan sa labi. I made sure she feels how genuine I am.