Tease Me, Bella Beatrice

48:

Nakarating kami sa bahay kinse minutos bago mag-alas diyes ng gabi. We unpacked our bags and things and eventually go inside. Walang maingay dahil totoo ngang isinama ni Shea si Chibi pauwi para hiramin. Tinitingnan ko lang si Gigi habang nagbubukas ng pinto at ako ay may bitbit na mga gamit. She really seems tired with all the travelling we had plus the shits I've put her through. Wala naman akong magagawa para pagaanin ang loob niya kung hindi ang manahimik na lamang. Iyon lang ang tamang paraan. She is probably too tired to talk or to think of anything right now.

Nang makapasok kami sa bahay ay nagdiretso siya sa kwarto. Hindi na ito nag-aksaya pa ng oras at agad na naglinis ng katawan. Isa iyon sa mga before sleeping routine niya. Hindi puwedeng pumalya sa paglilinis ng katawan kahit na nga pagod siya. She just couldn't sleep. Hinayaan ko naman siya. She'll take maybe ten to twenty minutes on the shower, so I took the time to take my own shower. Doon ako sa kabilang shower room kaysa hintayin ko pa siya e baka makatulog na ako at ang mangyari ay hindi ako makapaglinis ng katawan. After exactly fifteen minutes ay natapos na rin ako sa paglilinis ng katawan. Bumalik ako sa kwarto just to find her sitting on the bed. Mukhang kakalabas lang niya dahil basang-basa pa ang buhok at nakaroba pa. She's looking at me directly. I don't know what it is about right now, but I am sure it is not something sexual. Nakapantulog na ako, e.

"Can we talk?" She asked in a calm manner. "I just really want to know."

"Sure, baby." I said. Agad akong nagtungo sa tabi niya para maupo doon. Umayos din ako ng pagkakaupo para magkaharap kami ngayon. "I'll make sure to answer it all with my best. Wala rin naman na akong balak na patagalin pa ito, itong mga mind games sa sitwasyon natin, so we really need to talk. Come on, ask me."

Sabay kaming bumuntong-hininga namg mahina. Sandali pa kaming nanatiling nakatingin lang sa mga mata namin at dinadama ang katahimikan. Her eyes are telling me so much it is starting to weigh heavy in my chest again and again. I don't know. I don't like that eyes screaming of doubt, pain, and sadness that I know I made her feel. The reflection of her look makes me feel weak and broken.

I know I am too much for her to handle. I am emotionally a burden and putting up with me, choosing to understand me, being patient with my all, and holding my hand again and again when I'm in trouble, is what makes her so strong. Is what makes her so special.

"How's your heart now?" Iyon ang lumabas sa mga labi niya sabay hawak sa magkabila kong kamay. "Is it still in pain?"

Marahan akong umiling.

"It's still in pain but I will be okay. Okay lang naman siguro na hindi ako okay, right?"

"Yeah. It's fine. Sobrang okay na hindi ka okay. There are days when we will not feel okay." She said. Pinipisil-pisil pa ang kamay ko. "How about your rationality?"

"What about it?"

"This may sound too much, and I am sure na ayaw mo nang marinig ulit ang pangalan ni Bella but mahal, don't you think she deserve a genuine talk with you? A heart-to-heart conversation?"

Napatigil lang ako nang itanong iyon ni Gigi sa akin. I am not expecting that at all so I really cannot find the words to speak and answer her.