This is life.

67 ➤ Ultimatum

"Do you know how annoying it actually is?" She asks. "I do." I yawn. Chanel rests her head in her hand. Our face time session has been going on for about half an hour now. She is currently in her hotel suite in Dublin Ireland for work, as she's mentioned a few times before. "It's weird how when you're not eating you feel proud but at the same time you know it's something you shouldn't be doing. You feel guilty and then you feel stress, soon enough you break then you start eating, but you end up feeling even more guilty that-" "-that you start purging and trying to do anything to keep yourself from getting fat." She nods along. "It's a struggle." "It really is." I agree. "Chanel get ready! We have to go soon!" I hear someone yell. "Okay Enric! Give me a minute!" She yelled with frustration. "Sorry about that, anyway, I was about to say that I think you may just be who understands me the best." "Chanel why did you do it?" The entire reason she is facetiming me is because last night, when she was at her event, Chanel had a breakdown. She was somehow filmed making herself vomit in the bathroom of the location. I myself have yet to see it nor do I plan to but it's all I can see in the headlines of every newspaper stand I pass. I avoid turning on the TV, knowing it's most likely still the talk of the day.

Chanel was crying a few minutes ago but I'm glad she's stopped. There's only so much I can do, especially since she's a few thousand miles away.

"No please believe me, it wasn't because I ate. I didn't." "Then why?" I ask. "I can't take my medication, Britney." "Why not?" I speak softly to comfort her. She runs her hand through her messy hair and shakes her head. "I know it has a positive effect, everyone tells me every time I take them that I seem better." "That's because you are better when you take them." I tell her.

"But that's not the point, Britney." I hear the frustration in her voice. "It...it makes me feel worse." "How?" "It's the whole fact that I'm trying to change myself. My mind won't accept it. The way my medication makes me feel is...it's not natural. It's not who I am. I don't like having to shove another personality down my throat. If I'm crazy then at least I can admit it. Let me be crazy, then. If I ever do something out of hand or whatever, yes I understand that, it's my fault of course but I don't want to change...who I am. Let me be who I am because I don't want to change myself. I am so far from normal, but as soon as the medication wears off I just feel worse. physically and just...with myself. And I...I really just don't like it."

"Chanel I never knew you felt this way about yourself." "I have issues but who doesn't? I don't want to have to make myself feel worse in order to feel 'good' temporarily." "In the end you have to do what's right for you and what you feel is best for yourself. That's what is going to have a good result." She sighs. "How do you feel, by the way?" "I'm on painkillers so I'm a bit drowsy, but they work like heaven. I barely feel any pain right now." She informs. "Dublin is actually a very friendly place. The weather's absolutely lovely." "And the flight?" She rolls her eyes. "Don't even get me started. It was one of the worsts trips of my life." Chanel exclaims. "I felt claustrophobic and sick when I went through my twitter feed. I went trending worldwide it's ridiculous. Over half a million tweets with #ChanChangetbetterwhenyoucancan." I smile subconsciously.

"Chan-chan?" It's ironic that I've heard her call herself that multiple times but have yet to comment on it until now. "It's a nickname. You see my stage name is ChanelChanel because I used to love this old wrestler that was called KellyKelly, anyway people started calling me ChanChan instead. It's weird because phonetically, it should be spelt S-H-A-N." "Your fans made a nickname for you? That's so cute. It's sweet knowing that they care." "I don't fancy pity." She says. "You're doing it again." I remind her. "Doing what?" "Being ungrateful." She falls back on the bed she's sitting on with a groan. "Bloody hell." She sighed. "Listen I'm sorry if I sound rude but I'm being honest. Respect those who respect you. You're not acknowledging all the support that's really being given to you and it's really what you need right now. There's only so much I can offer you. Promise to take your medication, okay? I have to get out of bed and start getting ready for work, seems like you have to go and get ready to train. I'll talk to you later Chanel. Good luck on your match tomorrow and please don't be too hard on yourself. I mean it in both ways, okay? Look after that injury. Don't push yourself." "Okay. Thanks for the chat, I'll talk to you later, love." When she hangs up I moan in discomfort and throw my phone randomly on my bed as I hide under the covers. I really do not want to get out of bed.