This is life.

55 ➤ Tears, confessions, & a half-baked explanation

I open my apartment door at 2:44am to find Chanel smiling widely at me. Even in the dark I could make out her dimples. "What the hell?" "Hello." She said. "Hello? Hello? What are you doing back in New York? You just left a week ago." I rubbed my eye as I spoke softly. "I left 10 days ago, actually." She corrected. "Did you like the clothes, by the way?" She grins. "Very much, you didn't have to but thank you." I thanked. "I just arrived here." "Earlier before, you mean?" I asked with a yawn. "No, 20 minutes ago, maybe." She shrugged. "And your first thought was to come here, at past 2:30 in the morning?" I ask with a grimace. I see her face begin to show disappointment at my reaction. I take it she wanted to flatter me, in some way. I sigh. "Why are you here?" "I'm sorry for waking you and I know this seems like a strange thing to ask you but would you like to come to London with me?" Chanel asks excitedly. I wake up fully as I blinked repeatedly.

"What?" "Would you like to visit London with me?" She asks again. "What, when? Why?" I spoke frantically. "I just have some free time on my hands, and I figured, why not take a friend over so they can experience Britain first hand?" She mused. "You haven't been to London yet, have you? Otherwise this would backfire completely." She asks protectively. I rolled my eyes. "No, I haven't. But this backfires anyway. Why would you think I would even want to go?" I said incredulously. "Why would you turn down an offer to go to London with a friend?" She says. "Chanel," I grow frustrated. "We aren't friends. We can't be anyway. You're always busy, I'm very busy- and you're also, you're just-" I stop myself before I could speak further and make myself seem closed minded. "I'm what?" She says. "Too young?" She scoffs, I don't reply. "Are you just going to see me as some immature seventh grader while you're a grown up senior? Is that how it's going to be?"

"No." I deny with a sigh. "Then why can't we be friends? This isn't high school, we're both adults. I just want to get to know you."

"Because, Chanel." I snap. "I have no fucking time to play games. You may not be immature but you're definitely naïve. You live a great life with wealth and a large status. Sure you have adoring fans but what about me? Be around someone that's up to your standards because I'm just me. I'm nothing special so don't waste your time, you're disappointing yourself."

"Fucking hell, I'm trying to do you a bloody favour!" I wince at her outburst. She's gone off again. "All I wanted was to surprise you and give you a free vacation, and you not only rudely turn me down, you show nothing but ungratefulness! I know that you're having a hard time, Um-hello? I was the one who literally saved you! I'm going out of my way make a nice gesture, for once, will you please, please just shut up and do as I say? Just do as I say!" I bring my hands to my forehead in exasperation, hiding my face. I didn't want her to see my tears. I thought I was past all of this. How many times do I have to get screamed at by the same person? Next time I shouldn't let myself provoke her so easily.

"I don't want to go." I whimpered. "Why?" She questions ruthlessly, her tone sharper than a dagger. "Because I can't leave..." I cried. I'm rather scared I'm going to have a panic attack or an episode soon. I don't think I'll be able to control myself if I get further and deeper than where I already am right now. She pushes me aside carelessly as she enters the apartment, closing the door behind her with a slam. "Oh god. What the fuck are you going on about, now?" I begin crying uncontrollably. "I can't go because I'm stupid!" I shout. "I made a mistake and now I have to stay here and fix it before it's too late!" I tell her. "What mistake? What the hell are you talking about?" She asks chaotically. "I'm pregnant, you idiot." My hand comes up and I cover my mouth in shock. Why? Why did I just say that? Why did I just tell her?

"Stop crying and fucking sort yourself out, Britney. Stop it before you make me really mad." Chanel orders. I growl under my breath before shoving her with all of my might. "Piss off, already! God can't you leave me alone?" With the last word leaving my mouth, I'm soon pressed against the wall with her forearm pressed mercilessly against my throat. Her actions remind me of when Jason once did almost the same all of those months ago. "Don't tempt me." She threatened. "I have a fucking black belt in Taekwondo. You think you can just talk to me like that and get no reaction? Did you forget my career?" A few seconds pass before her anger peeks. "I dare you to say that again. Are you forgetting who fucking stopped you from killing yourself? God no wonder you tried to kill yourself. You can't possibly put up with who you are. You're pathetic." She laughed as she pulled away. And without thinking I slap her.