This is life.

84 ➤ Responsibility

"Don't feel guilty." "But she wanted me to visit again. God I feel terrible that I forgot." I grip the arms of the leather chair that I sat in. "You had things to do anyway and a lot was on your mind. It's not your fault." He places his hand on top of mine and I sigh. "Yes it is. I hope she doesn't get sad or think that she did something to chase me away. She's such a great person, she does deserve attention and care. I should've given more to her when I saw her." I went on.  "Enough." He says. "It's too late. We're on the plane already and I don't want you to always be this impuslive and dwelling. Just stop thinking about it." "Okay." I let the matter be and stand up from my seat. "Where ar you going?" "To the bar. I want a drink." "It's morning." "Well right now in New York it's almost dinner time, and when it's dinner time, I like to drink." I snap. I shake my head and open the fridge. "Do you have any fruit or juice here? I want to make a cosmo." "Bottom draw of the fridge should be stocked." I find the cranberry juice  on the door of the fridge and set it on the bench as I continued to search for a lime. I find it and bring out a bottle of vodka. "Is this the brand that I like?" "Do you like Grey Goose?" He asks. I nod. "Then yes it is." I search behind the bar and find a shaker and fill it with the ingredients before oscillating it vigarously. I grab a cocktail glass and pour the alcohol into it.

"Do you want some?" I'm feeling nice enough to ask. Jason remained in the seat across the room as he looked down at his phone. "A cocktail? No thank you." I can tell that he's distracted. "Suit yourself." I drink the first glass in under five minutes and pour myself a second. When I reach my third serve I pour the rest from the shaker into the glass for me to finish. I hadn't notice Jason getting up and walking over to me until he removes the glass from my hand. "What?!" I yell. "I know that cocktails are specifically for women but Vodka is still Vodka. I want you to take a break, calm down, and tell me what's wrong." He orders. I take the glass from his hand and throw the drink onto his face. He closes his eyes in frustration and uses his hand to lessen the wetness. "What is your problem?" He remains collected however I know that in due time he will lose his temper if I'm not careful with my words. It's too bad that I don't care. "My problem? You want to know what my problem is?! My problem is that I'm pissed off about the fact you treated me like a princess yesterday only so you could treat me shit today. I thought that I can talk to you about anything, Jason." "You can." "Oh really? But you sat there, judging me and undermining me! And for what?! Because I wanted to say goodbye to a friend before I left? When I told you it's not like I expected you to drop everything and go to the pilot and tell them to turn the jet around, I just wanted you to listen to me. You think that everything I do is a bad choice, don't you?" "It's not like that."

"Oh bullshit. I know how you see me, how everyone sees me, including myself! I'm ruined. My judgement is ruined. Everything about me, right down to my own hands are ruined. What I ever wanted from you wasn't anything that you brought me. The shoes, earrings, the watch- all of it was great but unnecessary. Material things don't have much value to me anymore no matter how much you give to me. This whole time alll I wanted was for you to be able to understand me. To accept me. I thought that you out of anybody would know me the best." I laugh humourously. "Now I can't even have a fucking drink without you on my back." I throw the drink at the wall to my left and the fine glass smashes with a small sound.

"Just leave me alone before I do something else stupid. Or have I already?" I storm past him and go into the bathroom, locking the door behind me to let him know that I want to be alone. I sit on the floor and bring my knees to my chest in sadness. Things are all of the sudden wrong and overwhelming, all I want is to be alone. I stay in the bathroom for a few hours and sit on the cold tile floor the entire time which results in making my ass sore. I lose track of time until Jason knocks at the door. "We're landing in less than half an hour. You need to get to your seat." I open the door and immediately bring my arms around his torso. "You smell fruity." I speak into his chest and my voice comes out muffled. "Well that's only because I've been basking in the ingredients of a cocktail." Jason humours. "But you changed clothes already." "I did but juice and alcohol tend to be strong. And I didn't have access to the bathroom the entire time." He taunts. "Jason I'm sorry for being so unreasonable." I apologise. "You weren't." I feel his hand stroke my head. "I threw a drink in your face, Jason. I insulted you for no good reason. Being alone for over six hours gave me a lot of time to think and I realise now how stupid I was acting. I have no idea how you put up with me." "It's easy. It's because I love you." I sigh and smile. "I love you too."