This is life.

59 ➤ A change in perspective

A/N- It's a crappy update but I felt bad for being inactive for a while, I've been occupied because I started school and also Chinese New Year just passed, so as you can imagine I am fairly busy. As a result of Chinese New Year I've visited many houses, and have eaten each and every single time. I can't help it, traditional Vietnamese food is too hard to resist. Anyway this chapter is a very sweet one so don't eat any lollies(candy) at the same time because you might just get a cavity :p

P.S- It's a bit weird at first but aren't you happy things are finally moving at a faster rate? Haha this is what you asked for! If you don't like it, just leave. But before you do, give it a chance, I swear you won't regret what is to come because the second most important and not to mention perhaps the most interesting part of the book is coming up! (Just a disclaimer, anyone who gets nauseous easily may want to skip the next few chapters soon to come)

+Jason Cosmos

(time lapped with the last chapter)

"No I can't forget tomorrow, when I think of all my sorrow..."

Memories of experiences must truly be our most painful blessing. Every thought, every memory, every retention, absorption and feeling is antagonizing. Over the few weeks' time it has become the least amount tolerable. In case it isn't evident enough, yes, listening to Mariah Carey has become a daily part of my schedule. Mainly before I attempt to sleep. As much as it is painful, it is soothing.

"That I should let you know, what you should know ..."

This song holds a special place in my heart. Seeing as it was the first song we had danced to one this one particular occasion. It's a beautiful song, but at the same time it is so, very cruel on my mental state.

"I can't live, if living is without you.

I can't live, I can't give anymore.

I can't live, if living is without you.

I can't give, I can't give anymore..."

Instead of continuing to drink, I've moved back onto the vicious cycle of smoking cigarettes. Each one becomes more pleasurable, more relaxing. It's become a necessity. A dangerous, addictive necessity.

"Well I can't forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way, the story goes."

This song also brings back many memories from my childhood. As strange as it is I was also quite fond of Mariah Carey as a child as well as a teenager. These songs are and will always be classics.

"You always smile but in your eyes

Your sorrow show

Yes it shows..."

The familiar sick, grotty feeling that results from smoking sinks in again, and I soak in it. Life seems unsatisfying. Life is boring, but sharp and unfiltered. This is exactly why I can't find it in me to care about many things anymore. Retirement seems more and more reasonable at this point. I've made more than enough money to support my family, and myself, as well as the generation of my grandchildren. If anyone should be worried about money it should be my stakeholders, because at the moment I can't even find it in me to care about them. Even if they are meant to be potentially my main focus in my career. There is a voice, telling me to continue to thrive and move on with life instead of being stuck in the past. I know it is not healthy, I know for a fact that it is pure and utter stupidity to let one single person impact my life greatly. But I have no control of how I feel. If I did I would have stopped this numb aching a long time ago.