This is life.

41 ➤ Mending

Jason Cosmos+

She had a seizure. She had a seizure because she was so overwhelmed when she saw me for the first time. Her body shook miraculously and her eyes moved to the back of her head. She bit her tongue so hard it bled. Blood was flooding out of her mouth like a waterfall.

It was too much to bear. 2 doctors and maybe 3 nurses rushed inside immediately once Steven called for their assistance and Eric brought me outside of the room before closing the door to the loud room-full of screaming, nervous medical professionals-and lead me to a seat in the closest waiting room. He left shortly, saying he needed to speak with Steven for a second. I can guess about what. I stood in my position for what seemed like hours when in reality it was mere minutes.

I simply still feel overwhelmed of the situation. It is now close to 40 minutes after doctors stabilised her. I eventually take a seat, but I'm still drowned in my own thoughts, all of the outcomes and possibilities of what might come. I still want to see her. It's just now I don't think I can if there's even a slight chance I would get the same reaction. That was without a doubt one of the most traumatic experiences I will ever witness. I felt vulnerable, not being able to help, not only that, also being the cause. It makes me think so hard about what has happened to her for her to have that type of reaction. I haven't spoken one word to her within the 30 seconds I had to see her, and without even trying I cause a spasm.

I sigh as I bring my head into my hands. My chest hurts. It hurts from having to see that. It hurts from knowing I caused it. It hurts knowing that I am useless. To say I feel weak would be the understatement of the year. I feel literally sick.

I flinch when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I bring my hand up and slap it away aggressively. "Don't." I insisted. "You need to know something, okay? It's important." "What's so important Eric? I just witnessed the girl I love have a damn seizure and literally almost bite off her tongue, isn't that important enough to make it my main priority?" I ask furiously. "She's been on drugs for the past few weeks." He drops.

I glare at him in shock with my mouth open before shaking my head and letting out a stiff laugh. "That's it." I stood up to face him before running my hand through my messy hair. "I'm done Eric, I'm fucking done! I can't deal with this anymore! I can't. I just, I need some air, I need air." I begin to panic and I sit back down out of dizziness. "Calm down." "How can I calm down?" I try to control myself but it's too hard at this point, I leave myself vulnerable and cry. I can't find it in me to care what anyone thinks anymore, nothing matters.

Dear lord, narcotics? Why? Why her? She doesn't deserve this. Anyone but her would deserve this.

After a few minutes of rubbing my back I brush Eric's hand away. "How many?" I asked through my hands. He stayed silent and it angered me further. I turn to him and look at him in the eye, silently pleading for him to tell me. "How many?" I demanded. I glare at him expectantly. "Six." He finally answered. I close my eyes out of fear. I'd rather this be a nightmare than a reality. "They found all sorts in her system Jason. So far six is all they can make out." All they can make out? What the hell is that meant to presume? "What kinds?" I found myself questioning further.

"Opioids and stimulants. There's so much shit in her system that they literally cannot make out a final statement in their observation report on what was found inside of her. Marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, ice and opium are the only things they have settled on so far." I bring my hand over my mouth out of shock and he gives me a minute to digest the information. "Was that all you wanted to tell me?" I asked quietly. "Don't think what just happened was your fault, okay? It was bound to happen. Many people who have been forced to withdrawal addictive substances go through that, hell in cases like these it can even be passed off as normal." He comforts. I remain silent as he continues. "Not only that, she was hit on her temple with something blunt with serious force.