This is life.

21 ➤ It's not my fault

As I read 50 Shades of Grey in my room on my bed, laying comfortably on my back with my legs crossed. I bit my lip, trying to contain the amount of sexiness I was feeling. Christian Grey sounds devilishly sexy as hell but nothing compared to my Jason, the author has clearly never been in a BDSM relationship before but she was close to guessing what it's like.

I can't wait for the movie to come out, it sounds more so interesting and mocking than sexy. I gasped in shock and giggled when I got to an extremely naughty part of the story; let's just say it got me feeling hot down there. Though I refuse to touch myself, Jason would kill me if I touched his property. Prior to me about to put down the book out of exhaustion I heard Jason's booming voice call from his room. I smiled and closed the book before setting it down on my bedside table.

This past week I've been doing everything I can to anger Jason, I've -how he said- disrespected and violated every single rule in the contract. Especially the one about having emotional control, I've been sure to lose it even over the smallest things, I've been disobeying him and defying him daily. To be honest I kind of like not having to worry about how I act. I made smoking a daily habit now, it's becoming harder and harder for me to resist, and with Jason making it obvious that he doesn't approve it just makes me crave it even more.

The fact that I'm doing it to prove him wrong is just a plus; whenever I have a smoke he always joins, talk about phony. But all in all it really is hard to stop smoking now that I've started again. I used to laugh at the quit smoking ads at how I thought it was stupidly and unrealistically hard it was to quit so when I started I told myself I can quit whenever I wanted, but now, I relate to those stupid ads, I wish I didn't though.

With my cheeky behaviour, rude and arrogant attitude and my smoking, I was really pushing Jason over the edge, I was playing with fire but what the hell! I don't care, it's because of him I've started to act this way, he's the one that makes me want to push him. And of course it's enjoyable at some times bad behaviour doesn't come without consequences. Jason has been sure to chain me, cuff me, tie me, whip me, slap me, not let me cum, fuck me hard and mercilessly, everything sexually torturous possibly imaginable to man. I have faint marks of bruises from times that Jason has hit me with the flogger, from the times he had slapped me, spanked me, cuffed me, chained me, tied me up, all of that shit. I would be an obnoxious and annoying, childish person but as soon as we hit the playroom I'm a robot with no emotions, just frustrating him even more.

It's just a part of my little game I'm playing. If Jason doesn't want to let me go I'll make him. Luckily my body shows no signs of physical abuse. It's not that Jason actually hurts me, he just doesn't know when to stop sometimes, but it's nothing serious. Tomorrow I was planning on wearing a pretty revealing dress to Jensen's party, despite the fact that it was snowing. Right now Jason probably called me up because I was sure to leave all of my underwear scattered across his bed to tease him. I know he's a sucker for thongs and this would just turn him on, thus sexually frustrating him, and am I going to be the usual robot I am in the playroom and give him what he wants? No, hell bloody no.

But of course I'm completely heartless, even though I've been pestering him and toying with him I was nice enough to buy him some Christmas presents this week, my main present I brought him a blue topaz ring with a thick silver band, it's what I got knowing Jason loves blue and silver, Jason's birthday was only less than three weeks away on the 11th and I honestly don't know what to get him. It's in my bedside table, and I'm scared whether I made the right choice to buy it. "You called Master?" I sang unconsciously. I said in a mocking tone. Jason sighed angrily and put his hands on his hips, looking very lady like, making me laugh like a child. "What?" Jason asked, clearly very irritated. "Don't do that, it makes you look like a girl." I said immaturely as I pointed to him.