This is life.

77 ➤ Unreasonable & unforgivable

Three days pass and my mind eventually settles. I've gone back to the hospital for my second official ultrasound. I still can't help but cry in happiness during each session. Until now I haven't been fully aware of how surreal my situation is.

I am having a baby.

Not any baby, but a murder's baby. I do not wish to let anyone else know this information, otherwise I wouldn't let myself see the time of day. I have enough issues and I don't need any more on my pile. It's not as if I am ashamed. I'm shy of speaking about the extremely private topic out loud. It isn't something up for discussion. How many people can casually say to others 'oh yes I'm having my rapist's baby that I killed. Did I mention that he was a murder and drug lord as well?'

No way. Sure I've stuck the sonogram photos over my bed to see everyday, it's because I'm excited for what's to come. But remember that this is in the privacy of my own home. Who's going to see them besides myself?

I get a message on my phone and I stop using my laptop to check it.

04-4053-1926: This is Tom, Chanel and I are leaving in a few hours to head back to the U.K. Michael has some business to attend to so he's staying a bit longer. Just thought I'd let you know.

He had messaged me on Viber and I save his number under a new contact. I can't help but be reluctant with replying.

- Thanks, hope you all make it back safely.

Tom- After you talked with Chanel she's been acting even stranger.

- Really?

Tom- In a different way, of course. She seems a lot sadder. I know that she's had depression for quite a long time but it's gotten worse. I don't feel like I can approach her about it.

- If you didn't encourage me to talk to her in the first place then I would've left straight away knowing that she was in a bad mood.

Tom- Don't think that I'm trying to blame you, I'm just saying that I think talking to her before we leave today will be better than leaving things on bad terms. She needs all the positivity and friends she can get right now.

- So what are you saying?

Tom- I'm saying that I want you to come over to be friends with her again.

I frown in thought and my phone vibrates in my hand.

Tom- Please*

His last text is enough to convince me.

- I'll be over in a bit. Give me a few minutes to change. You better be there to open the door for me, I don't really want to see her the first minute I'm there.

Tom- Of course. And why not?

- Because I'm still angry with her.

Tom- What did she do?

- Don't bother asking. It's not worth talking about.

♛

"Where is she?" I whispered. "She's in her bedroom." He closes the door and motions for me to sit in the lounge. "Tom you brought me 12 pairs of shoes, right?!" I hear her shout. "Yes!" "Well I just counted them and there's only 11!" "Including the ones that you're wearing?" His tone is condescending. "Oh. Sorry about that." I hear her walk into the room with her phone in her right hand. She wore jeans and an oversized Chanel sweater. I could still see her cast on her left arm. For some reason I expected her to appear as normal. I keep forgetting her injury.