Medical Imagines

Christmas Day

Dear diary,

Christmas is in a week and I still have yet to buy a gift for dad. I have been working two part time jobs and whatever odd jobs I can find. Being a 15 year old worker doesn't really pay that much. But I am determined to buy dad his gifts. He has taken great care of me after the death of mom last year. He has been struggling and so I want to show him I care. It is my turn.

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"Gemma!" My dad yelled from the bottom of the stair case. "We leave in 5 minutes!" He says as I reply with an ok. He has work today so he's gonna drop me off at my job. "Dad have you seen my black socks anywhere?" I ask as I come rushing down the stairs with my bag in my hand. "I have not." He says sitting on the bench by the front door putting on his shoes. I sigh and look in the pile of dirty laundry by the laundry chute. "Found them!" I say grabbing a pair of black ankle socks. I throw on my socks and shoes and follow my dad out the door.

"You know kid with all these jobs you work you should really buy another pair of socks." My dad says jokingly. "I have about 20 pairs they just need to be washed." I say staring out the window. My dad sighs and his smile turns to a frown. "I know Gem it's been hard to get chores done with all this overtime I'm getting at the hospital." He says not taking his eyes off the road once. "Dad it's not your fault. You try your best." I say as I take ahold of his right hand as it sits on the gear stick.

He pulls up to the curb right in front of the cafe I work at. "I'll be home late again tonight. But I'll text you if anything changes. Please let me know when you get home." He says as I get my bag on my back. "I will dad I promise." I assure as I close the door. My dad then rolls down the window "Gemma I love you." He says. I smile and reply back "I love you too dad." And with that we go our separate ways.

I get home from working my second job. I'm exhausted, strained and hurting. My whole body aches like crazy from hauling loads of groceries to people's cars. As I'm taking off my shoes I hear my phone ping. I look at it and I see an email from my bank. I put my shoes on the rack and walk to the couch with my phone. I look at the email stating the amount currently in my account. '$1405.43' is in my account. I finally have enough to buy dad's presents. I squeal happily as I run up to my room and over to my dresser where a picture of my mom sits. I smile brightly and look at the picture. "Mom I can finally get it! I can finally get the gift me and you were planning on getting dad!" I say happily as I feel something drip down my face with a little tickle. Followed by another and another. And sure enough I started crying. I can't tell if their tears of happiness or sadness. Maybe a mixture of both? I hold the picture of my mom close and I close my eyes. Sometimes I can still feel her presence with me. It's like a warm fuzzy feeling I get along with the slight hint of vanilla bean croissants. That's the feeling I wish would never go away. But like all good things it comes to an end.

After I was done crying I layer in bed thinking. 'what if it was me instead? What if mom never left that morning? Are we going to visit her? Has dad found someone new?' I can't help but over think and I start crying some more. I cried so hard that I started to feel lightheaded but with a pounding migraine so I decided to just go with it and cry myself to sleep.

A week has passed and it's now Christmas Eve. I have dad's gifts wrapped up and put under the tree as he did the same for me. "Hey Gemma you remember what tonight is right?" He says coming out of the kitchen with a tray of food. I nod and watch as he places the tray on the dining table. "Mom's death day." I say swallowing the forming lump in my throat. My dad nods as he starts setting the table for me and him. "That's right. This would be our first Christmas Eve dinner without her." He says his voice cracking closer towards the end. "Anyways come eat and let's pray to your mom so she can enjoy this meal with us." He says wiping the stray tears that fell. I nod and stand from the couch and make my way to the table. My dad pulls out a chair for me and I sit down while thanking him. "Let's hold hands." He says. We start praying. "Mom this is the first Christmas Eve dinner without you. It doesn't feel the same. Dad's cooking isn't like yours and the empty seat at the table looks lonely. Why did you have to leave." I say starting to cry. My dad gives my hand a squeeze and proceeds to pray "Lauren today's dinner isn't the same without you. Your smile that brightened the whole room and your humming while you cooked. I miss it all. But every day I see more of you in our daughter. And although it's been tough I will be the best father ever like I promised you the day Gemma was born. I love you." His words. Those very words broke me. I sobbed and sobbed. Dad came over to my side of the table and held me. We didn't speak we just held each other while I cried. Just as I was sobbing the smell of vanilla bean croissants started to fill the air and that warm fuzzy feeling was inside. And as almost as id my mom was hugging us my dad began to cry too.