Always and Forever... Family Don't End In Blood Part 2

Chapter 8: Hunter Switch

Warnings: Symptoms of PTSD

Chapter Description: Stiles opens up to Sam about his daily issues after the war.

Stiles knelt in front of the toilet, trying to prevent himself from puking everything from his stomach. A knock on the door made him look up.

"Stiles? It's Sam," Sam said, "May I come in?"

Stiles stood up and cleaned his mouth and hands. Then he unlocked the door.

"Sorry about that..."

Stiles froze as Sam hugged him. He slowly returned the hug, although he slightly feared hurting him.

"Is Dean okay," Stiles asked.

"He's worried about you," Sam said, "But other than that he's fine."

Stiles sighed deeply.

"Want to tell me what's going on," Sam asked.

Stiles shook his head, refusing to let himself be vulnerable.

"Want to know something crazy," Sam asked, leaning against the sink, "Of all the things I've hunted and such you'd think I was fearless by now."

"Yeah," Stiles said, "Like you can lock up your emotions..."

Sam shook his head making Stiles give a look of confusion.

"I still get scared," Sam said, "I still have nightmares most nights. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have to take a break from hunting for a few days. I start having bad reactions to loud noises and sudden movements. There are times I can't turn off that hunter switch in my head. Sometimes out of fear that if I do turn it off someone I love could get hurt and it'll be my fault."

Stiles lowered his gaze.

"How do you turn it off," Stiles asked.

"I force myself to relax," Sam said, "Maybe take a long shower, go for a run, or help Dean with his car. Little things to help me relax. But in all honesty, I'm the lucky one. Dean has it worse."

"What do you mean," Stiles asked, tilting his head to the side.

"He no longer can turn it off," Sam explained, "Now all he can do is try to act relaxed and calm but in reality, he's waiting for something to happen. He waiting for something to force him to get up and hunt. It's not something he's proud of, to say the least. A lot of the time, his hunter side comes off in everyday life and makes him seem heartless and cold."

"How do you know he's not being honest," Stiles asked, "Like he doesn't mean it?"

"Because the Dean Winchester I knew growing up was kind, protective, a little bit of a nerd," Sam said, causing Stiles to chuckle, "He's not heartless. Dean cares a lot so I learned to discern what was true and what was his fear speaking."

Stiles went silent briefly and Sam slowly saw his defensiveness drop. It let him know that Stiles was trying to let himself be vulnerable enough to speak freely with him.

"Lately I can't turn it off," Stiles confessed, "Everything makes me jumpy. Nightmares are constant and I end up waking up Derek because I can't sleep. Then the flashbacks of fighting Michael and Amara are always there. They don't stop. I can barely function doing normal things because my guard is always up. Sam, I'm scared..."

Stiles started crying and turned his head away.

"I'm scared that one day I'm going to badly hurt someone because I don't know how to turn that switch off," Stiles said, his voice cracking, "I already cut Klaus and almost stabbed Dean with a fork. I no longer trust myself."

Sam slouched his body slightly to make himself smaller for Stiles. 

"I'm sorry to hear that Stiles," Sam said, "This was something Dean and I tried to save you from. The feelings of constant dread and more. I wish there was more I can do to help. But for tonight, try to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning, I'll call you to check in. Everyday from there I'll continue to call as much as I can. What do you say? Sounds good?"

Stiles smiled softly and nodded. Sam hugged him once more before walking with him back to the dining room. Stefan and Damon were doing the dishes already. Allowing Stiles to depart to the room since Stiles agreed to stay the night over with Klaus, Jack, and Noah. Jack followed closely behind although he didn't need sleep much. The most he would do is stay up by himself so Stiles being there to keep him company was fulfilling. Even though Stiles did end up falling asleep mid conversation. Jack just liked that he didn't feel alone. He never felt alone with Stiles present. Even in his bad mental state he was still helpful to Jack.

He smiled at Stiles snoring lightly with occasional twitching of muscles. Then he returned to his sketch that he was working on.