"Are you sure you're alright, Caly?" Chaos asked me, "Maybe we could meet up again when you're at least looking better? You look pale."
It was Monday and as promised, I met up with Chaos. Of course, without Apollo ever finding out. Dumating kami dito sa Manila like 8 hours ago and I haven't gotten any much sleep to go by this day. But after what happened at the resort, I needed a friend more than I needed sleep. My last and only hope is Chaos.
Apollo.
I could never doubt my love for him. It goes deeper and deeper every day as much as I try to control it, it's inevitable. Like how a moth caught on fire. The love I have for him is overwhelming, it makes me breathless - more than I could have hope for. The feelings he has for me was nowhere near for what I have for him. It's incomparable. Our love - it's indestructible.
It's consuming.
"I need you, Chaos." I said, weakly. I sounded tired, really tired. It was almost exhausting to talk. "I'm, well, for starters. I'm not feeling well. Not physically but mentally."
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He leaned over the table, his elbow touching mines. It somehow comforted me. This is the least that he could do to get closer to me. It's not safe to be looking touchy in public.
We were at the same cafe that we went the last time we met. I didn't have that much of a choice. I kind of asked for a more secluded area and his condo was not much of a suggestion - so, this was the only place he could think. I almost felt sorry for him. This friendship we had is complicated that even a place where we could talk is limited.
I'm such a complicated person to love.
"Apollo." I said, looking at him in the eye. I bit my lip. His angelic face made my heart beat naturally - like excluding the amount of sadness I have inside me. He could calm me. I'm starting to think, giving this friendship a chance was worth it.
He frowned, "I have a feeling that our conversations would consist of my flirting but mostly Apollo." He tried making me laugh. Tried being the cooperative word. He sighed, "So, what's wrong? What happened? The last time we talked, you were ecstatic about your weekend rendezvous with him. What change?"
Well, "He's ignoring me."
Yes, he's ignoring me. The last hours we had at the resort sum up with him acting cold towards me. He's always like that, it never changed. It was why I was so frustrated with that guy who made him mad because of him, Apollo is distancing his self from me. It made me cry. It hurt me. And this is one of the reasons why Apollo is so complicated to love.
Kapag may nangyayaring masama sakin, parang may invisible switch na nagre-result ng pagkawala niya ng control sa galit niya. He could turn into a prowling beast in a nanosecond. Just like what happened at the resort, nawala siya sa huwisyo niya and he turned into someone I couldn't get a hold of.
Nakakatakot.
Nakakatakot dahil sa tuwing nangyayari iyon, dumidistansya sa akin. Dahil sinisisi niya ang sarili niya sa mga nangyari, lumalayo siya dahil hindi niya ako kayang makita - pansamantala, dahil naaalala niya ang mga nangyari na napigilan sana niya kung binantayan lang niya ako.
