Do you know that feeling when you told your parents you're going somewhere that when you ask their permission if they'd allow you to go, they would totally be against it but you still went there?
That gut sucking feeling when you're on your way home thinking of all the possible excuses that you could say? Playing scenarios in your head of what's going to happen if they really knew where you went? That uncontrollable beating of your heart when you walk in your door, entering your home and watch their reactions as you set foot in your living room?
The way they stare at you and you're just standing there thinking: fuck they knew where I went, fuck they knew I was lying, I'm so totally fucked, fuck.
Fuck.
"Caly, are you alright? Humihinga ka pa ba?" Chaos went to seat on my bed and shook my shoulders. I was beyond fucked. I looked at him. "Caly, ano ba'ng nangyayari sayo?"
Oh shit.
Ohhhh shit.
I was hyperventilating. The abnormal beating of my heart made me realize how in deep shit I am. I couldn't breathe. I am in big big big trouble. Oh my, god. Oh my, god. What the fuck am I going to do? Oh my, god. I'm cussing. I'm cussing. I can't- I can't move. Oh my, god.
I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I stood up and paced around my bed. Anong gagawin ko? Si Apollo nasa labas. Chaos. Chaos is in my condo. Chaos is inside my condo. Chaos. Chaos is inside my room. He's inside my room and sitting on my bed. My bed. Chaos is in my bed. Apollo's outside my condo. He's going to be so angry. So so angry when he finds out about this. Anong gagawin ko- Anong gagawin ko?! Oh my, god. I'm in panic mode. I'm panicking. I'm- I'm-
"Caly, you're scaring me." I looked at Chaos like a deer in the headlights. My eyes were big and scared. Chaos. Chaos sat there like nothing's going to happen. Like my boyfriend is not outside my condo. Apollo.
The moment I thought of his name, I heard a knock on my door. Three knocks. Those were three faint knocks. In my head, it went slow-mo and it was loud. It was the scariest thing ever. Maybe it wasn't Apollo. Right? Maybe it wasn't him? I heavily exhaled smiling at my craziness and looked at Chaos. Plus, how would Chaos know if it's Apollo. Ni hindi pa nga sila nagkikita? Ni hindi pa nga niya alam mukha nito? Maybe it was a guy across who kept on asking for sugar. White sugar to be exact or, or, or that guy from Room 215 who knocks on my door to ask for a sugar, only it was brown. Yes, yes I have two kinds of sugar because I didn't like the brown sugar but Apollo loved it-
"Caly? You're having a panic attack. You're so pale and you're sweating like crazy." Chaos said.
"Baby," Someone called from the door. Shit, I know that voice too well.
The moment I heard that voice mentioned my name, I savagely grabbed Chaos' hand who was stunned and confused about my reaction. "Caly-" I immediately pulled his body from my bed, opened the door of my bathroom and pushed him in there. "What-"
