"Chaos." The disappointment in my voice was evident.
I was frowning at him, never mind the tears that started to fall from his confession. I shook my head and inwardly sighed. He was supposed to be my pillar right now and the way he defiantly sat there not taking back what he said made me want to leave.
I don't have time for this.
I stood up and got my bag. How could he do this to me? I was expecting a sympathy for him and maybe even an advice but certainly not a confession. Fallen in love?
Chaos, gods, what the hell am I going to do? Alam ko, hindi niya mapipigilan ang feelings niya but right now-? Really? Ngayon na? Can't he see that I'm already dealing with so many things all at once?
He chose to tell me now that I'm already facing a lot? He knew I needed someone to be with right now, he knew I didn't have many to choose from kasi lahat sila lumalayo sakin. Why is he doing this to me?
I frustratingly brushed the tears from my face. Nadagdagan lang ang problema ko. Nadagdagan lang ang iisipin ko. Apollo's ignoring me. My family's conflicts. My fucked up life? Chaos' confession. Napapagod din naman ako. God, napapagod din ako.
I closed my eyes, looking at the people on the street across me, never caring if I looked like a pity mess which I probably do. I sniffed. The heaviness of my heart making me harder to breathe and think. My mind not functioning well and probably too tired to digest another information. What did I ever do to deserve this? Hindi nila alam kung ga'no kabigat ang dinadala ko. Hindi nila alam kung ga'no kahirap ang sitwasyon ko. I never asked for anything, but why me?
I felt a pitter patter above me. The liquid flowing down on my face, hiding my tears from the curiosity of the people walking around me. I let the rain envelop me with its nostalgic feeling. Maybe the cry of the clouds will wash away my quandary? I hope it does. I hopefully do wish it does.
Everything that's bothering me runs round and round and round in my mind, I couldn't get them out of me. Maybe the pain it brought and the rain delivered made me numb for a while. Because If I can still feel...
If I can still feel I would've heard Chaos running after me, I would've seen him stand in front of me, I would've felt him hug me. Under the rain, Chaos Herrero hugged me like he never wanted to let go. His breath on my neck surrounded me like satin provides softness into my skin.
Maybe that was the only push I needed, I sobbed. Chaos' hug, it was comforting. How I wished he didn't confess - how I wished he didn't confess now. Paulit-ulit kong pinaparamdam sa kanya ang rejection and every time he lets me know how much I mean to him, paulit-ulit akong nakakaramdam ng guilt because he didn't deserve it. A man like Chaos wasn't cut to be refused not by anyone and especially not from me.
"I'm so sorry, Caly." He said his voice low and sincere.
My arms were shaking, my voice was too, "I should have never," I sniffed, "I should've never acted like that." I felt my arms enveloping his body, wanting a console, not just for me but also for him. "I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I never should've-"
