"What?" He looked at me as if I have suddenly grown two heads. Though, I wished that could've happened instead of this.
I cleared my throat and looked at Apollo again. "I'm breaking up with you."
This could hurt me - ruin me for all that its worth. How much did I really loved this man? So much I could never ever comprehend. This man was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. They say: he was lucky I fell in love with him. But the honest to god truth is that I am so lucky he chose me. With all the flaws that I have, he looked passed through it and made me feel like there is something beautiful about it and I deserved it. Truth is, I loved him so much, I forgot to love myself.
I must learn to love myself before I could completely love someone.
It's never a question who that man will be. Apollo is the only one I could imagine walking me to the aisle, exchanging vows and live a quiet life with me. There is no one else, that is not a doubt. It would only be him. I needed him to trust me on this one because I needed to start afresh and to be able to do that, I must start again from the bottom and work myself up - to freedom.
I needed to be strong and I needed to do the right thing not just for me but also for us. This decision is the only one that I think would get me to self-actualization. I just hope Apollo would understand.
I hope Apollo would wait for me.
The look he gave me could not compare the hurt I was feeling of ending this relationship. He was looking at me as if trying to think of something he did wrong, but the truth is, there is nothing wrong with him.
You are amazing, Apollo King and I love you dearly.
He cleared his throat and shook his head a little. He painted a smile on his face that obviously didn't reach his eyes and it made me think I was doing the wrong thing but no. I really have to do this. It's tearing me apart.
"No, let's- let's try and communicate okay, baby?" He licked his lips. He was shaking his head, "Do- do you need a space? I could give you space, yeah? You need to find yourself, I get that. That's- that's the only explanation for this. Caly, we've been through a lot, right? We've managed to survive all of it together, why- why the sudden change? Why- why the sudden break-up? Honey, I don't- I don't understand. May ginawa ba akong mali? Na hindi mo nagustuhan?"
He doesn't understand. I tried to clear the tightening of my throat to avoid my voice to crack. I cleared my face with any kind of emotion because I wanted to come off as strong and that I already thought all of this. "You don't. I need to do this."
He reached for my hand but I backed away. I don't want him to touch me, god magbabago ang isip ko pag hinawakan niya ako. Please, give me strength.
Please, let me go.
"I want to break-up with you."
For us Apollo, for you.
