me & tomfoolery

Birthday Blues

This weekend was...

Interesting.

I'll start this by saying, I'm big on energy. If someone is being negative it alters the whole room. And it ultimately changes my attitude toward them and the setting we're in.

So boom, last night was my friend's birthday girl's night and her ass decided she was going to blend her friend groups. Her one group of friends... they're boring and rude. They don't participate in games, they don't even say hi when they enter a room or when other people enter the room, very clique like.

There's three friends out of the eight of us that attended who were... just not fitting. Mind you, I'm a pretty open and welcoming person. I also wear my emotions on my face. So let's run down the things that just didn't make sense. One friend came but, did her homework the whole time. Not really communicating with anyone, not even the birthday girl. Another one, who everyone was surprised to see showed up (she either never responds to their chat or says she's coming and doesn't), the last one, she's the one that everyone can tolerate.

After the abrupt exit of homework friend, the other two began loosening up. Which, I'm glad because birthday girl, was not feeling it and it upset her. All and all the night concluded happily BUT not without the weird vibes that happen every time two friends groups of hers are in the same place.

My thought: it's all about territory. People feel entitled to being number one in someone's life and having the red carpet placed out for them over others. That's not how it works.

Let's talk about TODAY. The crazy thing about this one friend group I have. Four of us have birthdays in three week spans. One on Jan 14th, mine the 22nd, another on the 1st and the last on the 7th. All other friends in the group have a large span in between.

Friend on the 1st, was celebrated last night. Friend on the 7th, celebrated today.

Let's rewind to two weeks ago. I did one thing for my birthday, for two reasons, first was being so depressed I didn't want to do anything because I couldn't do the ONE thing I planned to do for months, (take a trip to San Francisco and see the Warriors play the Nets on my actual day). My friends wanted to celebrate at home because they couldn't go on the trip and then it left me to either go alone OR cancel. I cancelled because, I didn't want to go far alone when I imagined my girls being with me and honestly too much other shit was happening at home, I didn't feel right leaving with the unknown lingering over me.

Anyways! I'm used to settling for less and because I couldn't go on the trip, my whole attitude towards my birthday altered. I said the ONLY thing I would be willing to do is go-karting/arcade vibes which a place just opened an hour and some change away from me.

That was the new plan, I was going to go. And as the date got closer, things changed. Friend born on the 14th asked could we share the celebration... we've shared birthday celebrations in the past but, this was different. We just celebrated her birthday, on her own weekend, traveled out of town and all. So to propose sharing my only celebration as a joint event didn't sit well with me. That whole week I was not looking forward to the event and the day of, I texted everyone saying I didn't feel like going but, they could go without me and celebrate 14th because why not. No one ended up going and I spent that day in the house, writing with my phone on DND.

Because I felt so low that day, and didn't talk to anyone, my friends sent me food to my house. Which I was happy about, who doesn't love free seafood boil?

The next day, my birthday went as normal. I went to church, make sure everything behind the scenes with the sound, lighting, cameras and slides went well. Stayed to myself. I didn't remind anyone it was my birthday, I didn't want to be bothered but I felt peaceful being in a spiritual place because depression will really drag you down.

I was later on surprised with food and cake, my godchildren all over me and just a feeling of love. Even though I didn't get what I originally wanted, I was grateful to be alive, and comforted. I scheduled another outing for my birthday and had to cancel that because I had gotten sick. COVID finally got me after 3 years and I swear to y'all I wanted to jump off the bottom step of my house. I was so mad, BUT It gave me much needed rest time because I was out from work for a week and I felt like I could sleep and not worry about responsibility.

This small insertion of my birthday story, brings me back to this current weekend. It all ties into one another.

Friend born on the 7th, two days from now, didn't have a plan or idea or wanted to celebrate. My folks are BIG on birthdays. We do that shit up as best we can. So, we planned to go out for brunch. Blending our group and her friend group. Already weary due to friend on the 1st birthday being all over the place, and her friends being eh, I didn't know what to expect.

1. These other friends were so much fun. Better than the people from the night before.

2. Friend who's birthday was on the 1st was standoffish because she didn't get a brunch for her birthday OR that we didn't plan it to celebrate them both.

3. It was hard being in the middle of that because I get not getting what you wanted on the ONE day you asked for me.

I thought and agreed it was selfish for her to act a way for a portion of brunch and even during her own game night about someone else getting celebrated. I think it was absolutely fair that everyone got their own day just for them to be the center of attention, even when money is tight and everyone's birthday is back to back.

But I feel her so much, on wanting more than what you got. Sometimes we work hard, stay humble and still get the short end of the stick. I just experienced it. And I'm finding the beauty of waiting until the right moment for what you want to come your way.

I said so damn much and if y'all get lost in it. My bad. I just needed to get that all of my chest at once.