More Than a Soldier

Chapter 20 - Grief

Y/n's POV:

I could feel the familiar heat of the Afghan sun. It was burning as I laid with my back against the sandy floor. "You always liked to sleep on the job." The voice takes m e by surprise as I turn my head to see who was talking. The blinding sun makes them only a shadow until I use my hand to block the light. "Dicky." I whisper when I see his familiar smirk.

I jump off the floor and rush to him and pull him into a hug. "What are you doing here? You're dead!" I ask him, not believing that he was stood in front of me. "I wanted to be here." He cryptically says. "For what?" I question him when he doesn't share any further information. "To take me with him." I spin my body around at the second voice behind me. Jimmy.

It doesn't even take a second for me to rush to him and hold him close. "I thought I had lost you." I whisper. "You have." He responds. I take a step back at his words and I suddenly see his uniform turn to be covered in sand and blood. My head swivels to Dicky. A deep wound on his face and blood pouring from his open wound on his stomach. "You didn't save us." Dicky struggles to speak as he coughs, falling to the floor. I rush to his side and press my hands down on his wound. "Keep your eyes open Dicky. Stay with me." I plead with him.

"Missy is a widow. Harry without a father. What have you sacrificed?" Jimmy speaks harshly as his body joins Dicky's on the floor. "NO! Jimmy!" I look to Dicky and see his vacant gaze on me. I raise my fingers to his neck, my hand shaking as I press them to his skin and feel no pulse. "No." I breathe out at a whisper.

I then rush over to Jimmy who's coughing up blood. "You should have been here." He groans as I press my hands to his wound. "I know. I failed you." I start to cry. "Even given a second chance you couldn't save either of us." He scolds, his head falling to the side, his gaze landing on Dicky's dead body. "He was too young." He mumbles.

All I can do is watch as his skin turns pale. "Please. Don't die. I need you." I plead with him, tears falling. "And I needed you." He turns his gaze back to me and I see the disappointment in his eyes before they snap shut. His breathing stopped and a pulse no longer there.

My body jolts awake, a sheen of sweat covering my forehead as I try to catch my breath from the nightmare. I knew sleeping was a bad idea. I turn and see Scarlett still peacefully sleeping, so I slip out of bed quietly into the bathroom. I splash my face with some cool water and rest my hands on the edge of the sink before slowly lifting my gaze to the mirror in front of me. It angers me when I see the broken woman looking back at me. I don't have the right to be feeling like this.

When I return to the bedroom, I smile at how peaceful Scarlett looks. Her hair is longer now, and it's perfectly spread over the pillow as she clings to the cover over her. I want nothing more than to climb back in bed and hold her close to me. To take even the smallest ounce of comfort from her. But I know that sleep isn't going to return to me. My body is far too restless to just lie in bed, so I make my way to the wardrobe and grab my gym kit and headphones. A run should hopefully help me to feel better. I poke my head back into Ava's room to check on her and then head towards the front door.

The cool morning air feels harsh as it hits my face whilst my feet pound the pavement below me. The music playing in my ears does nothing to drown out the thoughts that are flying around my head. I'm not to blame. It's what I keep repeating to myself. I won't let myself fall back to how I was after Dicky died. Though, no matter how many times I shout it to myself in my head, I don't think I believe it.

I don't know how long I've been running for, but the sun is now starting to rise. I find myself in a park and take a seat, watching the sun slowly rise over the trees. For a moment, I think about how Jimmy is never going to see a new day and it brings all my emotions to the forefront. I feel a moisture on my cheeks, as once again I find myself crying. I harshly wipe at my cheeks. "Pull it together." I whisper to myself.