More Than a Soldier

Chapter 32 - Last day in Uniform

Y/n's POV:

Today is the day. My last day in uniform. The last day that I serve in the British Army. It feels very surreal. There is a part of me that doesn't know who I am without the uniform. Despite where I am, I still at times feel like I'm just a soldier. What do I have to give to the world away from this?

I shake the negative thoughts from my head, focusing on the opportunities that are awaiting me. I guess it's easy to get lost when you don't know where you're going. But maybe that's the beauty of it. I have time to find the next passion. When I moved to LA, the plan was to transition into the civilian role within the unit. But it doesn't appeal to me anymore. I need to be away from that life so I can be the best mother and fiancé I can. That's what I need to focus on. Why I'm doing this. Who I'm doing this for.

I know these next few months are going to be strange whilst I navigate a life without the systematic structure I've had my entire adult life. But I'm about to move to Atlanta with Scarlett and we get to plan our wedding which is only a few months away. And just like that, I get butterflies in my stomach, the doubt slowly fading away and being replaced with the thoughts of the life I'm going have with my family.

Standing up, I move to the guest room to the wardrobe where my uniform used to sit. Now it's practically empty except for the few pieces that I'm keeping. The rest already packed up and returned to stores on camp. The only things that hangs in my wardrobe now are my number one uniform, my red tunic from my mess dress, a few army t-shirts and when I'm done today, this last PCS uniform that I'm about to get changed into.

Whilst I'm getting ready, Scarlett is already up and making us breakfast. I can tell that she's really excited for this being my last day. I know she's supportive of my job, and had I decided to stay, I know she would have stood by me. But now I'm actually leaving, I can see the relief in her eyes that I won't be going to any more war zones. I also see the excitement that our lives are going to be so different, in a good way.

She's doing her best to not be too excited though. She knows that I'm in this conflicted state today, as I have been these last couple of weeks. So, she's trying to be as supportive as possible, but I couldn't help but smile as I watch her almost physically have to contain her excitement this morning. I think it's why she went to cook breakfast, so she could hide that from me for a little longer.

When I'm dressed, I grab my beret and slip it through the lapels on my shoulder to keep it with me. When I first joined up, I lost count of the amount of times I would leave my hat in my room. I'd always end up running back to get it, not wanting to get caught without my hat whilst also reporting to the parade ground on time. That seems like a lifetime ago now. I can still remember the first day that Dicky and I were first in full uniform. We were so proud that we could wear it. Though that pride only grew when we passed out and we were not longer training recruits, but fully fledged soldiers in the British Army.

A lump forms in my throat when I think that I leave this career without two of the most important people in my life. It wasn't how I ever saw this day going. I always thought they would be right beside me as they dragged me to the pub to get wasted in celebration of escaping the brainwash of the army, as Dicky would describe it. Instead of letting the grief overwhelm me, I think of how lucky I was to have both of them in my lives. To call them family. I may not have them by my side physically today, but I know they're here with me. I promise that I'll do my best to make them proud in whatever I do next.

As I'm walking down the stairs, I hear more voices than just Scarlett and Ava. As I turn into the kitchen, those voices become apparent, when I see my parents sat at the kitchen counter, mum hitting dad's hand away from the pancakes that Scarlett was serving up. "Morning babe." Scarlett greets me as she sees me walking in. She drops the pan instantly and makes her way around to me to look me up and down then give me a big hug. "I'll miss you in this." She whispers in my ear, placing a kiss just underneath it. "It'll always be in the cupboard." I tease at a whisper back.