More Than a Soldier

Chapter 24 - Back to work

Y/n's POV:

I have this strange empty feeling. I thought that the funeral would help to give me the closure that I need to start to move on with my life after losing Jimmy. But I still just feel like I have this pit in my stomach. I get sudden waves of sadness and I can't control it. I'm fed up with the number of times I start crying because something reminds me of him and then I remember that I'm never going to see him again.

The funeral was perfect. Well as perfect as a funeral can be. It was very personal to Jimmy's likes. Doing the eulogy was probably one of the hardest things that I've had to do. I hope that I was able to do him proud. It was hard to try and talk about the impact he has had on so many people in the space of about five minutes. Scarlett found me many a night slumped over my desk as I tried to work out the best way to honour such a great man. The relief I felt after I had read it was huge. I didn't screw it up and I felt like I had a chance to have a proper goodbye with him. Missy and Harry seemed happy and that's what mattered.

The wake was actually really nice. Being able to openly talk about Jimmy and share the funny stories we all had were great. They seemed to really help Ava cheer up and that meant a lot to me. She's not been the same since we got the news. She's been quieter as she comes to terms with the loss. But sat there, listening to everyone, she was laughing wholeheartedly. Even sharing her own story at one point.

When we got home that night, she seemed lighter. She smiled more than I had seen in a while, and I think that she got what she needed from the funeral. Closure. Something that I had so desperately wanted, but somehow it had evaded me. But I know that I need to push on. Even Missy is moving on, making plans for her trip to Salt Lake and then her move back to the UK.

It makes me sad to know that she won't be around as much. She's been almost a big a part of my life as Jimmy. It almost feels like I'm losing her too. But I completely understand why she's doing it. Her family are in the UK and her future plans, in the US, all revolved around Jimmy. I actually look forward to being able to visit her back home in England. It'll be another excuse to visit. I don't want to leave it as long as I have in the past. I have to many important people that are still there.

I don't have much time after the funeral to focus on how I'm feeling as I'm due back at work today. The Brigadier kindly allowed me to claim back the leave I had so I can take it later in the year. Something that I'm really excited for as I'm hopeful that we might finally be able to get away for our family trip to Disneyland.

Since I've come home, we've not done much of what we had planned. We had a little over a week before we got the news about Jimmy and we had spent most of that time at home, only visiting a couple of wedding venues. Both Scarlett and Ava deserve for me to be present and make the most of the time that we're going to have together. In the new year it's all change for us and I think we could do with a moment to just stop and enjoy being a family.

I'm currently in the guest room getting my uniform ready for the day. I've got my trousers on and I've just grabbing my shirt and top when I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist. "You know. I'm going to miss getting to see you in uniform each morning." Scarlett husks in my ear, causing goosebumps to form over my body. "Hmm, maybe I should keep some then. You know. Just in case." I respond, turning in her hold so I can wrap my arms around her.

Her eyes rake over my body and a smirk forms on her face. "On second thoughts, I also like this view in the morning." She almost groans as her hand rest against my abs. "You've always been in shape, but your body is something else since you've been away." She admires, slowly running her finger over the ridges of my six pack. "Yeah, well make the most of it. This was getting up at 5am for the gym every day. No way am I carrying that on now I'm home." I tell her with a laugh. I only laugh louder when she starts to pout.