More Than a Soldier

Chapter 23 - Final Goodbye

Scarlett's POV:

Today is already tough and it's only 9am. Jimmy's funeral is at 12 and I'm sat watching as Y/n goes through the motions of getting her uniform ready. It's like she's in a trance, no life behind her eyes. I hate that I can't take away the pain that she's feeling right now. So, I'm doing the best I can at just being with her, ready to jump in for anything that she may need.

Y/n barely slept last night. Every time I would wake up, she was laid on her back staring at the ceiling. Though she never let me go, her arm wrapped around me, almost like I was anchoring her. This morning, you can tell she's not really been sleeping. Her eyes are red, and she has dark bags under them. She's exhausted.

"Would you mind helping Ava?" Her strained voice takes me by surprise, but I jump up into action. "Of course, love." I give her a smile and walk past her to check on our little girl. But before I could leave, I feel a hand grasp my wrist. I turn back to see Y/n's pained eyes on me. "Thank you." She says before leaning down to give me a quick kiss. Those words felt like more than a thanks for checking in on Ava. But I don't make a big deal out of it, I just relish the moment.

This is what amazes me about Y/n. She is in so much pain and grief, yet she still takes the time to show moments of love and care. I wouldn't blame her for shutting off but she's clinging on in there. The sweet and caring woman I feel in love with, still fighting to stay afloat.

When I get into Ava's room, she's sat on her bed, hugging Mr Snuggles. I learnt that Jimmy got Ava Mr Snuggles the day she was born. Ava's little hand apparently never let it go whilst she was a baby and she's kept it by her side ever since. Now I look at her clinging to the toy like her life depends on it and it's breaking my heart. "Morning bubs." I greet her, gaining her attention.

I climb up on her bed and pull her into my body. "How are you doing?" I ask her, wanting to know what she's feeling. "Sad." She mumbles burying her head into my neck. "And that's ok." I reassure her, running my hand through her hair. "Do we really have to say goodbye to Uncle Jimmy today?" She asks, her red eyes meeting mine. "We do. But it doesn't mean that we have to forget about him. He'll always be with us. Watching over you, being ever so proud of you." I tell her. I can't imagine what this is like for an eight year old to understand. She's never lost someone like this where she's understood what's going on.

"I already miss him." She sniffles which makes me hold her closer. "I know you do bub." I comfort her with a kiss to her head and let her have her moment. When her crying calms down she looks back to me. "Will you do my hair? I want to look my bestest for Uncle Jimmy." She asks and my heart melts. "I would love to." I smile, helping her off the bed and getting her ready.

When we're both dressed, we walk down the stairs and I see Y/n in her uniform, staring out the kitchen window, that familiar vacant look in her eyes. I walk over to her and wrap my arm around her waist, resting my head on her shoulder. "You look nice." I say, giving her a smile as she looks down at me. "You too my love." She replies giving me a half hearted smile.

She then turns around and greets Ava, lifting her into a hug. "You look beautiful bug. I love your hair." She shares. It makes my heart ache to see her switch to this fake persona to support Ava. Suppressing the grief she is feeling to make things better for Ava. I can't blame her, but I wish she was able to grieve without restriction.

After a small breakfast, we get in the car, and I drive us over to Missy's. We're joining them in the cars that will be following the hearse. As soon as we arrive at their house, Missy is pulling Y/n into a big hug. The tears are already flowing, and I am in awe of her strength. I can't imagine if it had been Y/n, but I can tell you now, I would not be functioning like Missy is.