Agent Assassin's Achilles ✔️

5. What Is This?

Khanyi, Greta and I are lounging and tanning. I have been enjoying my time with Greta and Khanyi, Kai has been distant since the first night we got here and we have been here for a few days.

"I am going to check on my husband."

"Okay, Ma." Great just sends a nod my way as she enjoys herself.

I wanted to be able to spend time with Kai but he has either been spending time with Khanyi or being cooped up in the room.

"Anya, I can not." who is Anya? I have not heard of an Anya. I hide behind the door, eavesdropping on my husband's conversation. I would not have to if he talked to me like he used to. "As I said, I can't. I am spending time with my daughter." a moment of silence passes "It was one time and it will never happen again." what was a one-time thing? "Anya, call that boyfriend of yours and let me enjoy time with my kid." he throws his phone at the wall

"Who is Anya?"

"What?"

"She sounds special."

"It is not what it looks like."

"You sounded enraged by the thought of her with another man, do you love her?"

"My love, it's not like that."

"Did you cheat on me?" barely a whisper, the question nearly died in my throat "You only call me 'My love' when you are lying."

"I did not cheat on you, I am not you."

"That is uncalled for."

"You will not let me get a word in and explain myself."

"Do you like her?"

"Are you asking if I find her attractive? Yeah, I do. I won't do anything about it though."

"Because you are not a cheater like me, I got that."

"No, that is not what I meant and you know that." he spits out through gritted teeth

"No Kai, I don't. I don't know what you mean unless you fucking tell me!" silence "Is it because of the baby?"

"Do not bring Leon into this!" he screams while creating space between us

"If it is not about him then why do you not find me attractive anymore?"

"When did I fucking say that?"

"Anya. What do you find attractive about her?"

"I am not doing this with you, I can't," he says before walking out, he always walks out when he is wrong.

I get seated on the edge of the bed, taking the entire argument in. I had a feeling there was someone else but I had hoped that I was wrong, that he would not do that to me but I did it to him and maybe he is still not over it.

I have not been the same since we lost Leon. No one is ever okay after losing a baby even after therapy and counselling. I mean I am barely attractive if we are being honest.

"Ma, where is Dad?"

"He went for a walk but he will be back Nana." relief washes over her face and she comes next to me

"Were you crying?"

"Uhm, yes. I am just sad."

"Why?"

"Uhm, I am thinking about how lucky I am to have a daughter as amazing as you." she giggles before wrapping her arms around me

Having a daughter like Khanyi is a stab to my soul, I am a terrible mother to her and she deserves more than I can physically give her at times and those are the times when I wish I was not doing this alone.

"Come on, let's go swimming." she runs out probably going to Greta.

We spend some time in the water before we head out to do some shark feeding.

Khanyi was scared at first and thought that they would bite her but she gathered her courage and started feeding them, I took a video and sent it to him and he called to talk to her about it, he is great at parenting through a screen.

It is late at night, Khanyi is with Greta and while I am getting ready for bed, my husband walks into the room.

"Are you ready to answer me?" I say, tying my bonnet

"Kamo, I just want to sleep."

"When did you stop finding me attractive?" He sits on the edge of the bed, keeping his hands to himself

"I still find you attractive, Kitten. I still love you and you are still the only person that I want."

"But?"

"There is no but. I did not sleep with Anya, she helped me out of a pickle, back in Syria and that is the one time I was talking about, she needs help with something and I can not help her because I am here with you."

"But you have been off since we got here."

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"like?"

"I do not want to talk about it."

"Okay." accompamied by a scoff

"I didn't like it when you brought him up."

"When are we going to talk about him because we have not been good since then."

"Kitten, I just can't..." his phone rings "I have to take this." wow, I wonder who it is "Anya, this better be important," he says walking out of the room, to the balcony before he makes it down the steps and sits on the stairs.

I am losing my husband, I must be, why can he not say "Anya, I am busy right now" so he can fix matters with his wife, I am not important. The ring on my finger has no value, the tattoo on my arm has no value if I mean nothing to him.

And yet again, I get comfortable and ready to sleep with my husband a million kilometres away from me.

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