27: Snooze

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Kamo's POV
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They decided to get what they could and hopefully, Sibo can figure out how to help me.

Our friends had to go home and while they were afraid to leave us alone together, we assured them that I am not getting out of the cuffs.

He sits in front of me, so many thoughts swirling in his mind and it does not look like they are kind.
"What is it?"

"What are we fighting for?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the last sixteen years have been filled with so much good but so much more bad."

"That's life."

"Shadow gets to play with his son, his daughter is dating and he has to navigate that. Sibo and Thandi have a son as well and he is doing great. Eric is married with a baby on the way while our children are dead, you were taken from me and tortured, my mother is dead..."

"Greta?" in the years that my mother was gone, Greta had become a mother to both of us. Tears stream down my face and he gets up "No, it's okay, don't come close."

"What if Sibo can not fix you?"

"Don't think like that."

"How can I not? I have no memory of the last five years and Shadow said it's because I went insane. So what is the reality of me living an okay life without you."

"Are you okay?"

"I could ask you the same question and the answer for both of us would be no."

"Baby."

"I can't even hold you because you will kill me."

"Kai," tears streaming down my face "Please."

"I am shattered just thinking about the hell you went through."

"Me too."

"I don't want to live in a world where you are hurt and I can not protect you or make the pain go away or hold you, I failed, big time."

"Kaiser." while I am thrashing around to kill him, I wish I could hold him the way he always holds me when I am crying and spiralling. "I wish I could hold you right now, baby, I wish we could run away together again and while this life has been painful, I would go through it all again just to be with you."

"That is not healthy."

"I don't care. I am in love with you, the entire time I was held up, I kept wanting to kill myself so I never hurt you and I could barely do that because all I want is to be with you."

"Kamo,"

"Kai, I love you and you are not going to die on me. I spent five years away from you and seven years before that without you. I will get the happily ever after you promised me, we just have to figure out this fucking chip."

"Kamo,"

"No. You will sit there and tell me about what you would like to do when I am free."

"I would like to kiss you."

"There you go. Tell me more." he chuckles and sits down to tell me all he wants and I know now I have distracted him but those thoughts will be back, I know they will. How have I known him for sixteen years already?

"Remember when I cried in your car and you invited me to your house?" he is drinking some water, he needs it.

"Yeah, why?"

"I was just thinking about how you reacted. Why did you not think I was a crybaby or dramatic?"

"Because in my head either you were being manipulative or you were emotional and that intrigued me." he is laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, I wish I was laying next to him "Everything you did when we met was just different. I know this is going to make you want to kill me but the first time I saw you, I was thinking, one-night stand then you rejected me and I wanted to know why, then you cried in my car and I wanted to know why but you fucked me when you kissed me but wanted to go home, what was that about?"

"For me, it was like, this might be my only opportunity to kiss this guy that I like and that's was it but I also needed to be home because I was trying to be a good daughter."

"Okay." we stay silent for a while as his mind wanders "You always looked so beautiful when you were asleep."

"Why do you watch me while I am asleep, some would call that creepy."

"Sometimes I can not believe that you sleep next to me or that you exist."

"You love me," I tease

"Do I now?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because you tell me all the time." I always imagine him telling me he loves me when I feel like anything is too much, it is how I got through these painful years.

He chuckles "I do love you, Kitten, more than I will ever be able to express in words." we spend the rest of the night talking about shows we are going to watch when I am free of this chip. The more we speak, the more this feels like wishful thinking.

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