We woke up late in the afternoon and began getting ready to leave. We called an Uber to take us to the hanger and we were prepared for anything, even them being at the hanger but they weren't and we were able to depart without a hitch.
We announced our arrival in Indonesia to the presidency and asked to have no further contact unless they needed help, which they rarely do.
Our house was empty, it felt hollow, no more barks, no more child laughter and tantrums, just us.
"I need a nap." it is currently midday and jet lag is killing us so we head to sleep, my husband acts oblivious but I know he knows that something is wrong.
My head on the pillows, my heart bleeding into my chest and I feel his hand wrap around my waist before he pulls me closer, into the softness of his embrace, pulling me out of the abyss that is my mind and into his warm embrace.
Waking up the next day is not new. It also is not a good habit so we try to avoid it. As he is running his fingers along my curled-up leg, I am thinking, doing the one thing I should not be doing.
The more I think, the more depressed I feel.
We are eating takeout, he is sitting on the couch while I am on the counter. As the light hits his face a thought flows through my head, what would Leon look like?
"You deserve better."
"What?" confusion growing from his posture
"You deserve better than me."
"What are you talking about?"
"You deserve the sunshine, the flowers, the puppies in a field, you deserve to be with someone who is not constantly in their head being the thief of their joy."
"Kamo, I want it all, like I said in my vows, no matter how ugly it gets, I am here."
"But you weren't. You weren't here Kai, you were gone, you were with her and I bet she made you happy." barely a whisper as it comes out along with the tears that run from my eyes.
"No I was not, I have not been happy for a long time but that is not your fault," he says standing up and walking over to where I stand "I have been unhappy since I quit the secret service. I have been unhappy since we left this house and that is not your fault, sunshine, that is mine."
"I should have been smarter! Fought back sooner, instead of acting hopeless I should have done something to get you out but I stood back and did nothing, I failed you countless times." muttered under my breath "So go and find someone else. Don't let me keep you."
"No." I look at the man standing in front of me his hands at his sides wanting to reach for me "I will not leave you."
"Loving me should not feel like a prison," he cups my face and makes me look at his eyes
"Being loved by you is the most liberating feeling I have ever had and loving you is like a walk in the park, loving you comes naturally for me. If I am not loving you then I am not living. You are the love of my life." his forehead on mine, his hands holding me tight as though he is afraid I will run away
"You deserve sunshine and hot chocolates by the fire."
"You deserve the universe and everything you desire. I don't know what I would do without you."
"Live a happy life with a nice girl."
"I want all that with you, there is nothing I want to experience without you. I want to torture people with you, I want to party with you, I want to read books with you, I want to go through all of life's ups and it's downs with you by my side. I want to be your cheerleader."
"But you deserve more,"
"No, no, no. I deserve you and you deserve me and we deserve each other."
"Every time I look at your face I wonder what Leon would be like, what would he love, who would he be had he lived, had I been better."
"It was not your fault, we were not to blame."
"I lost two babies, Kai, two." he pulls me into an embrace and I wet his shirt with my tears and he just holds me.
After some time, he hands me a glass of water.
"It was not your fault that our babies died, we were not to blame. You are the sunshine in my life, the only reason I can smile most of the time is because I see the love and adoration that you have for me. There is no one I would rather worship than you, Kitten." he says before placing his lips on mine.
"I'm just in my head all the time."
"I know, and you are so strong for fighting every day to be here." he plants a kiss on the back of my hand. "I wish I could get in here." he points to my head
"Well, this is close enough."
"Maybe."
***************
YOU ARE READING
Agent Assassin's Achilles ✔️
Romance[Book 2] Kamo, Kaiser, and Khanyi are now living in New York. Kamo is running a successful business, Khanyi is about to finish grade six and Kaiser is an unofficial CIA asset. With him being miles away for months at a time, how does that affect h...
