15. Guts Over Fear

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Being back home is gut-wrenching, I sleep in her room to feel closer to her and Kaiser has said he is not going anywhere until he knows I am okay but I think it is because he is not okay. He wants to be around someone who understand how he feels and I wish he would admit it to himself.

We are both going to therapy, separately. It helps but I am just going so I can get anti-depressants, I do not want to talk my feelings out, I want to be able to get the job done.

As I make myself some food, my phone starts ringing. "Kamo, Hello."

"I hope you are doing well because I am going to need those files."

"You will get your files, Anya."

"Hurry up, Kitten." did she just? She did!

"Don't call me that, we are not friends."

"Trust me, we will be. Call me when you have them." what the fuck? She gets on my nerves, I don't know why she acts like she did not try to steal my husband.

"What's wrong?" he asks walking into the kitchen

"Anya just called me, the nerve of that woman."

"What did she do?" he sits on the island

"Talking to me like we are friends, God, fucking annoying. Do you want some?" he shakes his head gently before moving towards me

"What are we going to do with her things?"

"Leave them, I don't want anything taken."

"Maybe we could give them away like we did with Leon's things."

"You wanted to give them away, I didn't and I don't want to now either. This is all I have of her left and I am not giving it up, I am not giving her up!" his hands around my waist

"It is okay, we can keep the room the way it is but you need to stop sleeping in it."

"It gives me comfort."

"I never want to critique your process but are you sure it is healthy?"

"I don't care as long as I am comfortable." his hand cups my face

"Okay, Mein Leibe."

"I will try to find healthier ways to feel my grief."

"I want you to be okay and whatever you feel is good, I will do."

"I know, I just, its hard."

"I know Schatzi,"

"I miss her all the time and I wish she was alive, I wish he got to live. I wish this was not our life."

"We have to keep moving forward, Kitten." a nod and he pulls me closer, I settle in his embrace. "I am here for you."

"I know" at night I wish our life was different, that life was not as hard for us or maybe we do this to ourselves. "We do need to talk about how we are getting those files."

"Get your food and then we will call Sibo and Zale." a nod and he lets me go.

We sit in the living room and he calls our friends. We have already discussed what we are asking them for, and they both agreed to help and I am just grateful that Sibo agreed. 

"So, I asked a few of my friends who might have access to those types of files and they said that those files are kept in a room that only three people are allowed to get in."

"So I tried figuring out who might have access but then genius struck me, who is to say those files are in that room." Sibo rants

"You are losing me," I comment

"Me too."

"Listen, those pigs don't trust each other so they definitely have files on each other, we just need to figure out the correct person to press."

"Okay, so who?"

"Deputy Director James David."

"Why him?"

"He is an ambitious man and no one is as paranoid as a former top-level spy turned Deputy Director of the CIA." I wish I could wipe the smug on her face

"Okay, so where would he keep the files?"

"He has a special computer which I think has the files."

"What makes it special?"

"It is opened with a heartbeat monitor." Sibo nearly whispers

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we would need to mimic his heart rate to open it."

"Wow." and we are stumped, we hit the wall harder than it hit us. "How are we going to get the laptop?"

"I already hacked into his security system and built a backdoor so that is not a problem, the issue is the heartbeat."

"How does it work?"

"He has to place his hand on it and it will monitor the blood pressure and compare it to the one on file." we sit in silence, no ideas flowing

Sibo leaves to go to work and Zale had to take care of his kids while Kai and I kept thinking about a way to get the laptop open.

"How about we focus on getting the laptop, we will figure opening it later?" he nods before standing up and heading towards the bathroom.

How are we going to get that laptop open?

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