I find myself in bed the rest of that weekend, going back and forth on my conflicted emotions.
I can't get over the fact that I'm pregnant.... it doesn't seem possible. I mean, I feel sick, but nothing compared to how I felt when I was carrying either of my daughters. With them, I was in bed for the first couple of weeks totally. I felt sick constantly, which isn't how I'm feeling now.
So, just to see for myself, that Saturday morning I get up and I head to the drugstore.
Embarrassing would be an understatement, definitely. I was fine until I got up to the counter to check out and then I could see it in the young cashiers eye- the confusion.
She probably thought I was getting it for my child, or maybe she was trying to calculate my age in her mind as she examined my facial features. I didn't really know, but either way, it made me feel self-conscious, but I had to know.
I had to see it for myself and I did. I took three pregnancy tests that Saturday afternoon and all of them came back positive. I was a having a baby.
In wake of that news, I spent the following week thinking about what I want to do. I have to tell Lindsey... it's inevitable.
He is the father- he has to be the father. I haven't been romantically involved with anyone other than him in a really long time, so there's no other explanation.
And I know, such a Nicolas Sparks romance novel... A one night stand led to two fifty- year olds having a baby.
It's a love story, for certain.
But overall, I think the hardest part for me is the fact that I don't know him. I seriously only know his first name and where he works, which is terrible.
I've never been in a situation quite like this. This is just crazy to me... Embarrassing, really.
I let an entire week come and go, and it's completely full of excuses. Both of the girls and even Adam ask me multiple times throughout the week if I've heard from my doctor about what happened the previous Friday. I tell them all that they haven't gotten back to me, but I know I can't tell them that forever.
I really wish I could though.
It would be easier if I didn't have to explain everything to the girls, but that's how it goes. We've always been close, even if it doesn't seem like it. They told me all their deepest secrets throughout high school, which most kids don't. But they were open and I hate that I can't be the same with them. It's just too much for me.
"Hello?" Lori's voice fills the foyer early Saturday morning, which is so reassuring to me.
Bridget left last night to spend the weekend with her new boyfriend, and that gives me plenty of time to talk to Lori about everything that's been happening in my life.
I need advice and maybe even a small push in the right direction. A part of me doesn't even want to tell Lindsey about the baby, because I'm worried he's going to think I'm crazy. And it is crazy- we have a one night stand and suddenly I'm pregnant... He's going to think I did this on purpose.
"Hey, sweetie." I linger in the kitchen doorway, holding a sponge in one hand.
"I brought booze!" She giggles, holding up a bottle of wine that I won't be able to drink for another seven months.
"Wonderful." I smirk lightly, motioning for her to follow me back into the kitchen. "You'll need it." I add with an arched brow.
"So?" She trails close behind, setting all of her things down in a chair before she continues. "What's been going on? We haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks." By 'we,' she means Mary, Sharon and even Chris.
Letting out a sigh, I turn back towards the window just to let my hands sink into the bubbly water to finish up dishes. "You'll never believe it, Lori." I don't think she will, because I didn't even believe it.
"You were abducted by aliens and that's why you haven't returned any phone calls." She jokes as she moves around the island.
She pulls a couple of wine glasses off the rack, but I hold out a hand to stop her.
"I can't drink, Lori." I shake my head softly, almost laughing at how weird that sounds.
I have always looked forward to my Saturday afternoons filled with red wine, light gossip and laughter... I miss it already.
She scrunches up her face, totally frozen in thought. "You're pregnant?" Both of her eye brows rise up, and it's obvious that she's completely shocked... but who wouldn't be?
It's a very shocking thing and also a wonderful wake up call.
"Yes," I almost whisper it, only because it's scary to admit aloud- that's why I haven't done it yet.
"How?!" She sets the glasses back down on the counter, mouth open agape as she waits for me to answer that awkward question.
"Well, you know." I huff, one hand falling on my hip as a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth.
"You know what I mean, Stevie." She chuckles in return. "With who? And is it serious? Are you in a relationship?" She's full of questions and I guess she's allowed to be.
I'm sure it's odd that I've been completely single since my divorce and suddenly I'm standing here, telling her that I'm going to have a baby. It has all happened so fast, not only am I confused with my emotions, but I also don't know what I want.
It hasn't crossed my mind, not once to give my baby away, but that doesn't make me feel any less bad. It's not fair that there are people who are going through hell and back to have such a wonderful gift, and I just get one when I'm least prepared.
It doesn't seem right but I can't help that. This is my blessing.
We take a seat at the table and over coffee, I start to tell her all about it. I don't leave out much detail, only because I know she wants to hear all of it. And I trust her- she would never tell anyone else, which is what I need right now. I need someone to just be there with little opinion and plenty of support. That person is definitely Lori.
"When are you planning on telling him?" She brings her cup up to her lips, but before she takes a sip, she continues. "And you have to tell him."
"I know I do, and I'm going to." I sigh, biting down on my lip softly. "I just want to go to the doctors again and make sure everything's okay." At my age there are no promises when it comes to giving birth to a healthy baby, and that's what is actually, truly scaring me.
"When is your first appointment? I'll go with you." She quickly assures, hand coming across the table to take mine.
"It's Monday morning."'
