S:
"A date?" Lori gasps, even though her eyes light up and a big smile spreads across her face.
"Isn't it a little soon? You just met him last night..." Sharon lingers, creasing her eyebrows gently.
"Well," I shrug lazily, trying to come up with a good explanation.
"Who cares when you met him," Minnie pipes in, lightly smacking Sharons arm. "If he's cute- it doesn't matter." She says, which makes me feel a little better.
He's very cute.
"But what about Lindsey?" Mary asks, shuffling the deck of cards around Lori's dining room table.
"What about him?" Lori wrinkles up her nose, trying not to laugh at Mary's comments.
"Lindsey's dating Tammy, ladies." Holding up my hands, I try to calm them.
They're all so wild- I can't help but laugh. They each have some sort of comment, or advice to give... I never asked for any of it.
I know it's soon, I understand that I don't know him all that well, and he could be a crazy person, but I'm willing to try. You might think that I'm nuts, but the truth is- it's healthy. I feel like I've devoted the last four years of my life completely to my children, which I should. I should want to spend every waking moment with them, because they grow up too fast, I'm going to miss these days, and they'll never be this little again... but sometimes it's too much. Sometimes going out to dinner, or a movie with someone is needed.
I need this in my life at the moment.
"Oh, we can't forget about Tammy," Lori says her name in a high pitched, almost the stereotypical school girl voice, which causes all of us to laugh.
"We have to be nice," I smirk, looking at my hand of cards... Not too bad. "She might try to feed us to her dragon if we aren't." I add, and once again they break into a giggle.
I've actually learned to like Tammy... to some extent. I like that she respects my children, even if they're young- they're still Lindsey's and she never crosses the invisible line that separates blood and lust.
I also like how she seems to make him happy... I wish I could make him happy, I really do, but it seems like our fate just didn't line up exactly how it was supposed to. Or how I wanted it to.
The only thing I'm not a huge fan of is her slight temper. I'm not saying that I'm the most perfect mother, but I was not pleased when Helena told me that Tammy yelled at her about walking on the carpet with her shoes on... I get it- I do, how annoying for kids to wear their shoes in the house. But I also know how to speak to a child, which is exactly what I told Lindsey.
We're over that now though.
I spend the next couple of hours with the girls, talking about things most middle aged women talk about. It's interesting to me, because I've found myself circling in and out between two different groups of women. When I'm with my girls, they talk about teenage drama going on in their children's lives, their new dogs, their odd neighbors, their new menopause symptoms and how sad they are that Monday is just a few days away.
And then, the mothers that I've grown quite fond of share conversations about their birth control, how quick they can shot gun a beer, their kids new organic diet and even how their parents big thirtieth anniversary is right around the corner. It's entertaining, all of it.
~~~
L:
Sitting next to her, I read another story.. my fourth one this evening. She doesn't want to go to sleep... well, she actually said she doesn't want to be alone. "Honey, close your eyes. I think it'll make it easier fall asleep." I whisper, eyes scanning over her face.
"Okay, daddy." Closing her eyes, she tugs the covers up to her chest.
Once I finish reading some sad kids book about a little girl asking her dad to catch her the moon, I let out a light sigh. I don't know, but I kind get all soft when I'm on night duty, only because some of these books and lullabies are actually really sentimental and weird. I hate it.
"Goodnight, princess." I kiss the top of her head before I hop off the edge of the bed.
Before I step into the hallway, I make sure her sound machine is on and the nightlight is plugged in. "Daddy?" Her voice sounds soft... I know she's tired.
"Yes, baby?" I lean to one side of the door, my hand resting on the light switch, because it's far past her bedtime.
"Mommy always asks what the best part of the day was..." She whispers, twiddling her thumbs.
I can sense big tears coming our way, because that's usual. She cries for her mom almost ever night she's here, which makes me feel bad. It just reminds me of how wrong we're doing all of this. I'm not saying that there's any rhyme or rhythm to raising children. No, it's hard as hell. Relationships and parenting don't come with a list of instructions- it's all trail and error. There's no perfect solution, but when I look into Stevie's eye, I feel like I could solve the mystery.
Sometimes I feel like we could make things right and we could be a family, but then in a split second all of that's gone and I'm just stuck arguing with the mother of my kids.
"What was the best part of your day?" I ask, a soft smile spreading across my lips. She is so much like her mother- it's incredible.
"Umm," she thinks about it for a moment, eyes wandering towards the ceiling. "You reading me books, daddy." She assures, which causes my heart to melt into a big puddle. I could never love anything more than I love her and her brother.... And even her mother. "What was yours?" She asks in return.
"The best part of my day was reading you stories, babygirl."
~~~
S:
Sitting across the table from him, I can't help but feel a little self-conscious. My insecurities have been the biggest struggle over the last few years, and I'm getting there, I really am. But I find this to be a little more difficult then I think I would with... with Lindsey. I mean, he gave me my newest set of stretch marks, and I think we both love the outcome more than anything. So I wouldn't feel so vulnerable if it were him trying to wine and dine me.
I have to remind myself to move on, because it's important for my mental health. I haven't gone on a date in a long time. The last time I did something like this was when the babies were little- maybe one, and it meant nothing. It was dinner a couple of times, and then I got crazy mixed emotions and never answered any more of his calls. I don't think it'll be like that this time, at least I really hope not.
"You look so gorgeous, Stevie." Vic smiles lightly, causing me to giggle in return.
"Thank you," I blush softly, almost embarrassed by that sentence.
Gorgeous... it doesn't sound the same coming from him as it does when Lindsey tells me that. But I can't compare them, because they aren't the same.
We spend most of our evening just getting to know one another. He tells me that he's a newly retired business man, which almost makes me feel even older.
I tell him a little about my kids, and how I plan to go back to work within the next couple of months. He listens to every word, even when I start to trail, and then we both laugh about it.
He's a nice guy and by the end of the night, I agree to do something again soon.
