S:
"We're going to take some blood, okay?" The emergency room nurse gives me a welcoming smile as she gently takes my arm. "Then we're going to take you down and give you an ultrasound." She adds, slowly cleaning off the crease in my arm so she can jab a needle in there.
I'm scared. I am so scared that something is wrong, and it's my fault. I let all these emotions get to me and now I've probably hurt the two unborn children I've fallen in love with in just days.
I don't know them, nor do I even know what they are, but they're important. They're these little shining stars that I so desperately need now that I know I'm getting them. It's like they've already filled a hole in my heart that I didn't even know existed.
"Should we call Lindsey?" Lori says, which completely reminds me of him...
It totally spaced my mind to even let him know that I'm in the hospital and my babies could very well be in distress.
"Grab my purse, and his number should be on a sticky note in the front pocket." I don't know if I really want him here, but that's the right thing to do.
He has every right to know what's going on, especially since they are his.... Well, only half.
They're really just all mine.
She reaches down, picking up my purse off the floor. As she starts digging through all of my junk, the nurse starts to inject that freaking needle right into my vein, which causes me to wince. I hate this... I hate this so much. I wish it could all be simple, but of course, that would make my life easier. And why would the higher powers ever want to do that for me? They wouldn't.
"I'm going to go call him, honey." She holds the sticky note up to show me that she found it. "I'm gonna send Bridget in here to keep you company." She knows I don't want to be alone, especially when all my blood seems to be draining out of me at a ridiculous rate.
But I also don't want to be in the awkward presence of my daughter. She hasn't said anything about the babies... not one word. Last night after Betsy left, I figured she would voice some sort of opinion- my kids are very opinionated, but she didn't. She just disappeared down the hallway once I had found comfort in my bed.
"Thank you," I let off a weak smile as my eyes start to fall closed.
I've never been good with pain- physical, nor psychological. And I feel like this is both. Being horrified that my little babies could be in danger is probably the worst feeling in the world. I want to protect them, like mothers naturally do. But I can't help feeling like my body is actually the thing that's harming them.
"Hey, pretty girl." I find it in my heart to giggle the moment Bridget comes into the room.
She's still in her big jersey and long socks, accompanied by a pair of sneakers.
"Hi," She smiles as she takes a seat in the chair Lori was just sitting in.
We sit in silence for a couple of minutes, and then she takes my hand in hers.
"I love you," I whisper, feeling her tangle her fingers in between mine.
"I love you, mom." She brings my hand up to her mouth, lightly kissing my skin out of reassurance.
