S:
"Aspen?" I smirk, bringing my glass of wine up to my lips to take a sip.
"It would be fun and romantic." He replies, a gentle smile on his face as well. "My brother and his wife go every year, and I think you would have a great time skiing in the mountains." He really doesn't know me all that well...
I don't do the cold- I hate it. I've never enjoyed it, and that's way I live in California. Here, I don't have to worry about things like landslides and freezing to death.
"I don't know how to ski..." I linger, almost laughing at myself.
"I'll teach you, Stevie." He assures, nodding his head in my direction.
He has this charm about him that I can't quite describe. It's like he has a weird way with words and enthusiasm that could make anyone excited to be around him. It could make someone who hates the cold grow excited to ski- he's just different.
I know it's still a little early, but I can't deny the sense of security I feel when I'm with him. I wouldn't say that he's like a safety blanket, but he definitely is a little easier for me to get a grasp on.
With Lindsey, I know we're bound to argue and I hate that. I wish we could just see eye-to-eye, but we can't and that's just who we are as people. But with Vic, I don't think it would bother me as much if we were to fight, because he simply doesn't hold a place in my heart as big and as full as Lindsey does... and he never will.
I will never be able to love him the way I love Lindsey and I think that scares me more than anything. Because I know I can't have what I really want, even if it's just an arms length away.
"When are we leaving?" I ask, chewing on my bottom lip softly.
"We leave in two weeks," he chuckles as he reaches across the table to take my hand in his. "I'm so excited, Stevie." He adds, gently rubbing my knuckles with the pad of his thumb.
"Me too," I lie, because I can't tell him that I don't want to go.
I don't want to spend five days away from my children... my children and Lindsey. But then again, I have to remind myself that he would go. If the tables were turned, Lindsey would be on the first plane out of California, so I have to stop thinking about it. I have to get up, brush myself off and do what's right. And spending five days trying to fall hopelessly in love seems like the right thing to do at the moment.
~~~
"You're going to go skiing?" Lori half chuckles as she follows me through the sporting goods store to look for anything winter related.
I realized that after I agreed to a trip out to Colorado- I owned very little clothing that could potentially keep me warm during a blizzard. So, half heartedly, Lori offered to go shopping with me to find a pair of boots, hats, gloves, and even a cute, comfy winter coat.
I'm already dreading this whole "vacation."
"I'm gonna give it a shot, Lori." I shrug, pausing to look at all the light jackets. "Should I get one?" I crease a brow, unsure how cold it's going to be in Aspen.
I figure if I pack at least three coats, a million pairs of cabin socks, and eight boxes of hot chocolate- I'll be able to survive five days in the mountains. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see the snow, learn to ski and spend time with Vic, but my children are really a huge concern for me.
Five days without them seems like a century in mom time.
"You know what you really need?" Lori's eyes scan over all the winter gear and I know something comical is brewing up in her mind.
"What is that I need?" I raise a brow, a smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth.
"You need to worry less about all of these heavy clothes and more about the lighter stuff..."
"My fuzzy pajama pants should do the trick," I assure, trying not to roll my eyes.
"How exciting," She pushes my arm playfully, a giggle filling the air around us.
~~~
L:
Sitting on the living room floor, pushing a match box car around the carpet with Hudson, my eyes stay glued on Helena. She's standing on the coffee table, Mardi Gras beads around her neck as she uses a hair brush to sing "Barbie Girl" for her audience- her brother and I.
"Why don't you and mommy live together?" Hudson's voice pulls me back into reality, a look of concern written on his face.
Creasing a brow, I tilt my head softly as I try to think of a good explanation.
This part is Stevie's thing- she's good at this... I'm not.
And besides, they've been asking an awful lot of these kinds of questions lately... Way more than usual. And I'm not sure if it's because Stevie and I are both seeing new people now, or if they're realizing how different their homes lives are compared to their friends school... I don't know, but it's hard.
"Well..." I pause for a second, shifting on the rug. "Not all mom and dads live together. That's just how it is." I don't know what to say, because the truth is far too complicated, even for me. "Mommy likes her house and I like mine." I don't know, man... I'm trying.
Creasing a brow, he lets out a soft sigh. "I wish you were like the other mom and dads." He admits, which causes my stomach to drop.
Nodding lightly, I can't help but agree. "Me too, kid." I chuckle.
~~~
S:
With my book in hand and reading glasses perched on the end of my nose, I scan over each word as the sound of the evening news plays as background noise.
"Stevie?" He's laying down next to me, one arm wrapped around my knees as his head rests in my lap.
"Hm?" I don't take my eyes off the novel.
"I think we should get married in Aspen." He says, which immediately causes my heart to beat faster.
Pushing my glasses to the top of my head, I close my book without even marking the page. "What?" I let out a chuckle, trying not to sound truly stunned, or make him feel like this is a messed up idea... but it kind of is.
"Neither of us is getting any younger, Stevie." He gives me a shrug, almost like this is a simple two step equation and it isn't.
I can't just get married, not now and probably not ever. I have two four year olds who require so much time and effort. Even thinking about planning a wedding, and then spending the rest of my life with a man is totally beyond me at this point.
"Just think about it," he whispers, hand softly falling on me cheek.
Staring down for a moment, I take one more second before I reply. "Yes," I say it way before I can actually process it. "I'll marry you,"
