S:
We spend the next couple of weeks together for the most part, which seems to be huge for the kids. They love our family dinner dates, Saturday afternoons by the pool and even both mommy and daddy at bedtime.
They hardly ask any questions about what Lindsey and I are, which is almost shocking to me. They're usually so involved, or try to be at least, but now it appears like they're soaking up all of this instead of worrying about it. And that almost makes me feel more comfortable. If they aren't concerned, I know I shouldn't be concerned either. This is what we all want.
"Does this match?" Lindsey steps into the kitchen, motioning towards his outfit.
"It looks cute, dear." I think he looks very sweet- professional even.
"Thank you," he smirks, moving around me to grab a cup of coffee. "Did you ever fall asleep?" His hand meets the small of my back as I pack grapes into little plastic bags for the kids lunch.
"No," I sigh, shaking my head in response.
I could hardly even close my eyes last night, because I'm so excited yet so nervous at the same time. It feels like forever since I stood in front of a bunch of college students, sharing the information I spent years learning. I'm not sure I even remember how to teach anything other than the alphabet and how to count to twenty.
"You are going to be just fine, honey." He kisses the side of my face, hand sliding up my back to comfort me in a way.
"Mommy!" Lena and Hudson both shout as they hurry into the kitchen.
Helena is holding a bouquet of colorful flowers, while Hudson carries balloons.
"Oh, my goodness." I giggle, looking from them to Lindsey. "You three are the absolute sweetest." I give him a soft wink as I pull him into my arms for a hug.
"Mommy, there's something else!" Helena gets all excited, which causes me to pull away from her dad.
I look at the kids, but Hudson is casually cocking his head in the other direction. Turning my attention towards the kitchen doorway, my heart almost explodes at the sight of Bridget, standing there in her uniform. Her once long hair is now cut up to her shoulders, and her face is completely makeup free- allowing all of her beauty to shine through. She is so perfect.
Letting out a gasp, tears quickly fill my eyes. "Oh, baby!" I almost squeal as I run towards her, wrapping my arms around her the moment I can.
"Hi, mom." She giggles lightly, giving me a gentle squeeze.
I hold her for a long moment, totally not prepared for this sort of emotion this early in the morning. "When did you get home?" I whisper, kissing her cheek before I pull away to wipe my tears with the back of my hand.
"About an hour ago my plane landed." She chuckles, bending down to pick up Lena, who wants all of her sisters attention.
"Are you done?" I really hope she is. I really hope she doesn't plane on another tour in Afghanistan, because I don't think we could go through that again.
"Well," she nods softly, falling into a kitchen chair to hold Lena on her lap. "For awhile, I am.... I'm having a baby." She smiles lightly, and once again my heart starts to do somersaults.
"That's so wonderful!" I gush, looking back at Lindsey who is smiling wide.
"Congratulations," he says, which causes Bridget to giggle in return.
Looking over at the clock on the stove, I let out another sigh. "We have to get going, baby. And you're probably tired, so you catch up on rest and we'll have dinner tonight to talk more."
I am so thrilled- she is exactly what I needed. After only seeing her three times in the last four years, I know we have so much to chat about.
~~~
"Good morning, class." I smile lightly as I scan over the full lecture hall.
They all repeat my words in a monotone, disorganized way, which just makes me laugh softly. I've missed this, I really have. I've missed the need to be somewhere and be doing something, so it's great to be in the mix once again. And even though I'm only working part time, it's good for me to get out of the house while the kids are at preschool. Even though I think being a stay at home mom would be incredible, it's simply not for me.
I spend the next two hours going over the syllabus for the semester and then discussing their first assignment. They all already look like they're dreading this whole English class, but in a sick way- it's exciting. I've missed being a part of someone else's whole educational process, so I feel like I'm back where I belong.
After four years of chaos, growth, love and acceptance- it just feels like I'm back to my old self, even though I'm far different. The person I was the last time I stood up here, teaching a class, was almost lost in a sense. She was confused, but she didn't know that. She didn't know what she was missing out on until her life seemed to completely flip upside and then fall into place at a completely different angle. I'm proud of myself- I really am.
"I hope you all have a wonderful afternoon. I'll see you Wednesday." I give them all half a smile as they stand up to run out of my classroom.
Once everyone is gone, I head out as well, nervous that I'll be late to get the kids from preschool. Lindsey was supposed to have pick up duty, but he got called into a meeting this afternoon, which leaves me in a small rush.
Luckily, after running only one red light- I make it to the school just on time. Standing on the sidewalk, watching all the kids run out the doors, I talk to one of the other mothers. But her words soon blend completely together when I realize that the entire rush of kids is completely gone, only leaving behind a few in odd spurts.
My stomach starts to twist into knots as I hurry down the sidewalk and through the front door of the preschool. Heading down the hallway, looking for their classroom, my hands start to sweat like crazy.
"Emily?" I knock on the preschool teachers door softly before I enter.
"Hi, Stevie." She gives me a smile, looking up from her computer. "What's up?" She asks, still very welcoming.
"Helena and Hudson never came out," my heart is pounding, because I can feel it- something's wrong. Something is so wrong.
Creasing a brow, a look of panic almost sinks in for her as well. "Tammy said you couldn't make it today..."
