~~~months later~~~
L:
Knocking a few times, I step back to wait patiently. This isn't what I had in mind when I imagined having a family, not at all. I figured it would all be sort of traditional- a beautiful wife sleeping in my bed, cute kids running around the backyard, chasing each other, and family dinners after work, but that's not how fate fell for us.
Instead, I spend Wednesday and Thursday evenings, plus every other weekend hanging out with my two kids, while Stevie gets them the other half of the time. It isn't ideal, not even a little, but it seems to work in a weird, sad way.
"Hey, honey. Come on in." She opens the door further, half a smile plastered to her face.
"Hey, Stevie." I smirk, stepping inside just to hear the sound of little feet hitting the wood floor. "Hi, baby girl!" I gasp playfully, watching her run towards me with a big, silly smile. "Happy birthday, pretty girl." I swoop her up, smiling again when her sweet laugh fills the foyer.
"Hudson will be very happy to see you as well." She starts to trail into the living room, streamers hung up throughout the whole house. "Baby, daddy is here." She leans to one side, trying to get him to look up from the building blocks he's been playing with for days.
Sitting down next to him, Helena and I both start helping him build a little castle. They're both so full of light- I could never love anything or anyone as much as I love these two forces of nature. They're like two angels who came to earth in time when I needed them the most and I'm forever thankful for that.
I'm forever thankful for their mother.
"Why didn't Tammy come along?" Stevie asks, leaning to one side of the doorframe, watching intently.
Chuckling lightly, I shake my head and then I bite down on my tongue. "Because we're just friends and-"
"You never have to explain anything to me, Lindsey." She holds up her hand to silence me. "I was just curious as to what she's up to. I don't want to know all the juicy details of your relationship," She half giggles, eyes a little wide.
Stevie and I have shared a rocky relationship so far. We get along when it comes to the kids, but we don't get along when it comes to each other. She's only bringing up Tammy, because I asked questions about some guy named Chad.
She was talking to Lori about him one night when I brought the kids back, so I just asked her if she was seeing anyone. She got all defensive and told me she wasn't looking to fill some void that didn't exist. She said she didn't need a man, ever... and that basically sums up our entire relationship.
We bicker like crazy, and when I moved back into my condo, it was a huge sigh of relief for both of us.
Don't get me wrong, I miss her. I miss waking up to the sound of her singing some lullaby, or having dinner every night at the table. It wasn't great the last couple of months I stayed, but it was still nice. We weren't romantic at all in those weeks leading up to me transitioning back into my own place, but we did share some pretty sentimental moments. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but I'm afraid there isn't going to be much growth.
"Are you excited to turn one?" I turn my attention from her back towards the babies.
I don't want to argue with her, I really don't. I love her, but she's such a hard woman- it's almost a nightmare trying to get her to understand her worth. I know it has to do with her postpartum, and even after a year, it's still very possible to suffer from those negative emotions. She might be ten times better than she was, but sometimes she still gets a little sad and that makes my heart hurt.
