Jeih's Poems

The Masks we Wore

You were simple
As platonic as it may sound
Nothing about you is really that rare
I saw you, I mumbled lots in our chats and that's how it all was.

Not until I gaslighted the idea that you have something better within you.
From the different person you are with others
To the possessive masks I wore 'cause of your lovebombing.
I thought there was love.

Yet there were none.
Honestly why did I even expect someone broken to be able to give and love?
Yet again your simple and so is love.
In my whole journey I never did expect that the fewer the time
the faster I'd forget or the slower I'll fall.

It all came when you were bragging about how love found you.
Nothing bad about being proud to be chosen but to say that you don't believe in it.
Tens of thousands or hundred thousands of veins from my heart pumped irrationally.
Never in myself did I find that I'll be choosing you unconditionally.

Despite knowing that you cannot commit.
Non! I was a fool.
I wore my mask just before I met you.
I pretended to be happy to get on with my desires with you.

And you?
You wore your masks too.
How many holes did you have in your heart?
That my love couldn't fill?

Giving you the pleasure that made you weak instead of receiving life.
Behind my mask I was all frustrated and felt betrayed not by you but by me.
Why did I even decide for you and I to meet?
My guts were right but my heart was blind.

So you wore your masks.
You shown me what was left of you and submitted.
But behind those submissions you were using me to fill the endless abyss inside you.
Why me?

Of all the men foolish enough
It shouldn't have been me.
What did I do wrong to deserve such a space to fill from someone dear to you who spawned an almost infinite chaos and corruption inside you?
Yes, unlike him I was there for you.

Funny how you'll still seek the one who devastated your entire being as I seek you still when I already said I want you to be gone.
Gone from my life!
But you know what? I shouldn't have worn my masks.
Deep inside me I always wished to tore your masks apart.

To see what person you truly are.
The ragnarok in my mind was only vividly visible in our whole chapter.
And so is my knowledge of you.
We never deserve those masks we wore.

There are still unsaid and hidden parts of you.
And so am I.

The Masks We Wore Indeed.