In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 13 - No.4

It was today, it had arrived and it was today.

I couldn't wrap my head around another year passing by and my mind thought back to that day where she arrived in the world, and the sunshine came out from behind the clouds and startes illuminating my life again.

My baby girl was 4 years old today, my little late Valentines gift from Namjoon came into my life 4 years ago and it was always bittersweet, as I would always lay in the seconds before fully waking imagining her father laying next to me and peppering my neck with kisses and thanking me for his Daugther, but then I would wake up more and realise that would never ever happen and each year his touch was just further away.

===========================================================================

Well today was a huge suprise for Aera, not only was she now the big 4 number she craved, it was also one hell of a snow day!.

The outside of our flat, the floor shone a glorious white against the winter sun and the flakes fell from the sky and added to the splendour. 

Aera was probably going to scream the house down in excitement when she realised but for now it was 6.45am and the street lights caught the swirls of the snow as the wind picked up.

Nursery was closed for the day, Aera would be home with me and I wasn't going to venture into work either, but it was oddly perfect, it was like a blank canvas so we could do what we wanted to for the day and it was a little poetic as 4 years ago she became my blank canvas.

'Our baby girl is 4 Jagi........your little angel is such a big girl ' I whispered by the window , holding a warm cup of coffee and just letting myself be in the moment.

I always convinced myself that in some strange way, he could hear me and he was with me, when in truth I doubte there was fully anything after this life, but he lived in my heart, ever since that day the arrow hit both of us but only took one of us away.

'She is looking more like you as the years go by and I think she might be taller than me too when she gets older........just a note Joon ....I am blaming you for that one too!' I softly smiled and laughed to myself.

'You are the one gift I wish I could give her , but the one that will never arrive ' I said with sadness, because it was true and as she got older it would be harder to explain the real reason he was taken from us.

'But I know baby.......everyone keeps telling me ........I have to make our world a litle bigger ....I just dont know how....you were my whole universe and I sure as hell won't love like you again' I softly spoke into the quietness of my living room watching the snow flakes fall and just losing myself in the peace .

But peace is always broken eventually.

'Mama........Mama.....are you there?' I heard her croaky little voice ask from down the hallway.

'Yes baby....Mama is coming ....' I said softly closing the curtains and placing my coffee on the side and went to my Daugthers room.

Her little puffy face as beautiful, like a squishy little cake every morning and her little sparkly eyes shooting nothing but love in my direction when she saw me, even if her hair was like a wild untamed beast that had gone backwards through the washing machine.

'Happy Birthday Big girl!' I said as I crouched down by her bed and smiled.

'I am a big girl now Mama!!' Aera smiled and squeaked, complete with Mi Mi faithfully under her arm.

'4 is so big baby......I have a big 4 year old girl !' I smiled .

'And it is my party at the weekend !' Aera said as the sleep shook and left her and she smiled cuddled up in her bed.