In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 21 - A Brand New Day

I think for the first time I actually slept properly.

I think the pillows felt less heavy because finally I could say the words I wanted to say when I was always so alone.

My friend yet again came to my rescue, and whilst the feminist in me wanted to do it all myself, sometimes I just needed to let it out.

It's super hard when no one knows the full truth apart from him, It's hard when this all seems so big like some insane story.

I carry shame that I couldn't save the one man I loved more than anything, but the whole situation was one giant paradox, I couldn't make one change without it contradicting another, and no matter what scenerio I made in my head to give the horror an alternative ending, it just never ended the right way.

But at last I had cried it out, to one person I hated and blamed for the longest time, and no doubt this morning his bruise was getting worse but he didn't care.

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' Five more minutes and then move your ass !' I said to myself in my head as enjoyed the quiet, and didn't like it all at the same time.

'It felt good to speak to someone, even if it was Hobi......I don't know who else would understand' I said softly as if talking to the treasured pictures of Namjoon on my side table.

'Ella and Charlie would kill me if they knew the truth.....I never want anyone to think you were the bad guy' I continued.

'She slept through it all and I don't know how much longer I can hide things from her' I said and could almost feel his presence holding me, even if it was just my own imagination longing for this touch.

I felt I owed Hobi more for this night, he gave me and Aera such a great day, a slice of normal where I didn't have to have a mask on to cover up my past, we laughed, we took photos....I even got shit on by a penguin ....and it was great ......but I always felt like I ruined things.

'Yes I can hear you baby....I didn't ruin anything .....Aera loved it and Hobi was such a great friend.....well Baby I believe the last bit of all that .....so its progress' I said and softly smiled and shook my head and slightly jumped when I heard the bedroom door creak.

'Mama......' I heard that beautiful croaky voice speak as it entered, all fluffy lopsided hair , rosy cheek, slightly runny nose and Mi-Mi huddled under one arm.

'Baby !' I said as I sat up and held my arms out for her to climb up.

She tottered over and threw Mi-Mi on the bed first and crawled in.

'Mama...where is Bo Bo?' She said as she cuddled into the cushions with me.

'He went home baby...late at night ....but he told me you were a good girl' I said as I cuddled her and listened to her snuffle as she woke up a little more.

'You were sleepy Mama and Bo Bo said you needed sleep so he made me dinner and helped me go to bed' Aera explained as she twiddled Mi-Mi's fluffy tuft of hair in her fingers.

'I know baby.....Mama is sorry......but I am pleased you like spending time with Hobi' I said softly just holding her and feeling her breath, my life saving little anchor.

'It's ok Mama.......Bo bo was nice ' Aera said as she snuggled more.

'He was.....we have a good friend don't we?' I said and just laid there for a few moments.

'well Baby girl....I think we both need a bath as we didn't have one before bed last night and then how about we go to the park for the day ....sound like a good plan?' I said and Aera turned round and smiled , Mi Mi in tow.