In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 9 - Back to Reality

Well the lights did eventually come back on but no great explanation as to why we all blacked out that night but it was a nice evening, new faces and nice suprises still hung in my mind and an unconventional start to this year was written into history.

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The time away from work and the sway of my professional life had sped past faster than I could keep up but it was a nice segment at the start of the year that I could spend ever full day with my beautiful girl in our home which was now entering it's third year of being lived in.

But as with every ending , it was the first morning of getting back into the swing of things.

That meant me at work and Aera was going back to Nursery school today , excited to see her friends and her favourite aide Mrs Lee , but still complaining like a 3 almost 4 year old who had to be woken up by her Mama, and then fight off the urge to have a tantrum about it .

I just sat by my dressing table , softly combing my hair and slowly fixing it with hair pins behind my head, as only an up do would do today as no doubt there was a mountain of stuff waiting for me in my inbox and I needed to not get into the habit of twisting my hair around a finger as it was a sure fire way to get that Ogre Trevor to make a comment and overstep those boundaries that he never seemed to see.

I could hear Aera playing opposite in her bedroom, knowing all she needed to do was to pull her sweater on over her school tshirt and she would be ready.

I smiled to myself, this was going to be the last new year were she was just in Nursery and she was just playing before the real learning took place, even though she was super smart, another thing no doubt that came from her Father and not me.

But then I see it, the same thing I see every morning almost when I am not wearing a t-shirt.

My fingers find it everytime, the bumpy skin and the white marks that seem to get silky as the years passed, the slight indent that always makes my heart sink.

But my eyes remember, it is his mark on me, the piece of that day I carry with me, the scar from that Crossbow Bolt Jungkook had shot at us , it had gone through Namjoons heart and pierced my skin too, but I had been to ravaged with grief that day to notice I had a sizeable wound on me , as Namjoon and my blood had mingled into one and I was numb that day.

It was the forever reminder that Namjoon had spun me round and taken the bolt and saved me his Daugther, and I ached that in that moment he didn't know nor did I that Aera was in me and growing , would it have changed his choice , would he have done something else, would that of stopped Jungkook , would he have just killed me instead, would Hobi have got their quicker ....I guess you can truly drive yourself mad theorising this but it never changes the outcome.

It was a small scar about 2 inches below my right collar bone, like a little X marking the spot, I guess in my own traumatic way, I think of it as it carrying a small piece of Namjoon's heart into me as it had gone through his, but my mind clung to any part of him that it would.

I tried to hide it best I could and to be honest maybe it was more about my own mind than worrying about anyone else seeing it.

No man had laid their hand on me since Namjoon, it made me itch thinking of letting anyone else in, he was my truest love and he was ripped away from me.

He had taught me how to love again when all I ever did was hate myself, he was love without comprimise, he wasn't about Bullshit once we broke down each others walls, he was the one, the one I never thought I'd find and you don't ever find that twice and in truth I don't think I ever could let myself be open again.