In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 23 - Hatch

The weeks started heading properly into spring and the last few weeks just felt a little lighter.

I don't know if it was the lighter evenings or that fact I was slowly letting myself put myself out there, even if the absence of Namjoon was around me like a painful embrace every day.

Daniel had popped back into my life and he seemed like the perfect gentlemen on and offline, and whilst he had kissed me and felt he overstepped, maybe he hadn't, maybe some time in the future I needed to let someone else in, as much as my heart didn't feel like it wanted to.

He was sweet, he would email me word puzzles whilst I was working as he was away on some business up and down the UK and well I am a child of the 80's and pen pals were the rage back then, but if this is what the little toes testing the waters is like then I guess it is ok.

But something else was creeping up on me, it was inevitable no matter what I did.

My 40th Birthday.

I was officially going to be over the hill, having avoided many attempts at life putting me under it.

So much had changed in the last 5 years, I remember the pain of my one and only birthday with Namjoon and how I laid in his arms in the back of Jackson's van and the pallette of different coloured bruises decorated me.

I don't think I have really celebrated any birthdays since, as it always felt too painful.

The first one without him, was me in a studio apartment with a screaming two month old and me not wanting to live but I had to for her.

To the next few years when I fell into the step of being a Mother and Ella and Charlie would help Aera make a cake and I would get a handmade card from an afternoon where Aera would have been covered head to toe in paint to create a masterpiece for me.

I loved those cards and then getting the video clips of Aera in the paint and giggling surrounded by her Aunty and Uncle and it seemed the perfect family picture.

But 40 is big, it means leaving the 30s behind and like always it felt like I was losing another part of him by leaving him in the last decade.

I may look like im closer to 30 that 40 but my soul feels old and I guess it's ok.

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'MAMA MAMA.....I am going to be a duck !!' Aera squealed as she hurtled across the school hall at pick up time with a mass of papers in her hands and her pigtails all fluffy and lopsided after a day of fun.

'OK......?' I said slightly confused.

'MRS REESE .....I AM GOING TO BE A DUCKY AREN'T I!!' Aera said having completely abandoned the idea of an inside voice.

'Yes Aera-Grace .....it's for our Easter Paegant!' Mrs Reese said as she walked over and handed me Aera's little purple backpack.

'Oh right ........wow baby.....you are going to be in the show !' I said smiling remembering seeing an email about the show her school was putting on as part of the Easter celebrations.

'Me and Lana and Joey are going to be duckies with me and we get to sing a song !' Aera said her cheeks all rosy and her dimples popping just like her Father's did whenever he was super happy and giddy about it.

'Well its on April 17th , It's a thursday and the day we break up for Easter break' Mrs Reese said.

'Well that works perfect.....OK I will be there ....Do I need tickets or anything ?' I asked as I wrestled to put the papers in Aera's backpack for the art she did that day.