In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 20 - In for Three

**trigger warning- discussion of self harming behaviour and thoughts**

The room was spinning even as Hobi held me in his arms, it was like I was caught in a rip tide once more and being dragged out to hell and would drown not being able to save the ones I loved.

Panic attacks and my PTSD still permiate my life all these years on and I can only pray that Aera knows nothing of them, this isn't something I ever want her innocent mind to ever know, I never want her to feel death reaching for her, like it has for me many times, I want her to live and live all her life with the happiness she brings everyone.

But I hit him, I fucking hit him, I mean I know I have hit him before but not like this but I guess the only comparison now is they were both grief induced.

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'Hey Kat, it's ok!' Hobi hushed into my ears as I shook in his embrace.

'Sorry.....Sorry.....Sorry' I muttered with my teeth chattering as the adrenaline surged around my body like a race car with no brakes.

'Kat, you don't need to apologise....just breathe for me ...please' He said holding me tight and not caring that my tears were staining his shirt and I was clenching the fabric like I was about to fall out of a rollercoaster.

'I can't ........Oh God.....No!' I said letting the shaking take over and just sobbing more.

'Kat you can.....listen to my voice and let it guide you back.....come on friend ......just breathe with me?' He said again to me.

'Hobi!' I said my voice cracking and scared the ground would cave in on me.

'Come on Kat.....in for three!' Hobi said and took a deep breath wanting me to follow.

'I ....I .......' I said anxiously but feeling his chest rise against my face and a slither of safety hitting me like a warm life vest.

'Come on.....just take this one at a time......' Hobi said still holding me even though we were sitting on my bed and there was no where to fall, I still felt like I was on the cliff edge about to fall to Hell.

'In for three....' Hobi said softly and guided me to breath in for 3 seconds.

'And now out again for three....you've got this !' Hobi said quietly and felt my chest rise and fall in his arms.

'And again , you are doing so well!' Hobi said just hugging me.

We must have repeated the exercise several times but I felt the light coming back in and my feet feeling solid again and the blackness seeping back into the recesses of my mind.

'See.....you did it Kat.......you are here and you are safe!' Hobi said as he guided my face in front of his.

'I am so sorry......' I said , my sore eyes and my red face just looking defeated into my friends eyes.

'Nothing to be sorry for you..ever....I know what this is .....I've been there!' Hobi said still holding my face to make sure I didn't fall again.

'No one is meant to see this'! I said dipping my chin down but my friends hand not letting me go the whole way.

'You have nothing to be ashamed of Kat!' Hobi said , his hands now resting on his knees.

'OH GOD AERA !!.....OH MY GOD!! ' I said remembering this was just supposed to be a 5 minute break to deal with Trevor and heaven knows how long I have actually been in here.

'Kat it's ok, She is asleep, she has had some dinner and she brushed her teeth and she is sleeping' Hobi said holding onto my hands as I threatened to spiral again.