In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 25 - Out of Office

I couldn't believe how fast this year was going and how much had happened since the beggining of the year.

Perhaps this was the first year that I was living something that resembled normality and for once, at least to the outside world I was living the joyous life of a single mother who was a career women and had the best child ever.

Well one part of that was fully right I guess, I did have the best kid, well in my eyes I did as she was everything perfect in this world and had all the wonderful facets her father had and it reminded my heart that not all of him died.

We had found our rhythm with the world and I was managing to keep us both alive so I need to definately listen to those around me and be a little kinder when thinking of all I have done.

But the next big milestone was heading my way, and at this point was a mere ten days away.

I was going to turn 40, a date I never thought I would get to and a date I knew he never got to see in himself.

I felt as old as time but still young all at the same time and whilst I just wanted to eat cake with my beautiful girl and watch movies on my birthdays, my little family of misfits wanted to celebrate me and as always I try and listen to his voice in my head telling me to let go more and live and me always feeling sad that I would never know if that was simply my own concious or his voice living on and his words as real as they felt.

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'Well that's it for 2 and a half weeks!' I said gleefully as I finished setting up my email diversions and also making sure Goad the Toad couldn't utilise some way of getting hold of me whilst I took some much needed time off.

The office staff had been sweet, we all had our little hubs or little offices like mine as the offices of Purple publishing was in a coverted warehouse and the company had slowly grown as they took on more people who often started with no experience like me and just trained and learned, and the building was perfect to change and warp to fit everyone.

'Happy 40th our Faith '  a big bouquet of flowers had announced itself when I walked on this morning and the staff had all whipped around and bought them for me.

I smiled and read the little card, always smiling at the pen name that seemed to make me feel better about myself and I smelt their blooms, lillies and white roses and small violet flowers dotted around with iridescent bio glitter that made the petals almost glow as the small shards of sunlight came through the window in my office.

I had done the old tradition of bringing cakes into the office, but thankfully not the candles....I don't think the office fire alarm system needs that much trauma.

But 40 seemed to be here and I still wasn't sure how I felt about it , it was traditionally being over the hill, but having a 4 year old kept me on my toes and made me feel young even if I felt dead on my feet from lack of sleep.

But birthdays werent the same, the last birthday I had with him, I was in hospital after Taehyung had rained down his fist confetti onto my body and he had killed Yoongi.

The only wrapping that day had been Namjoon's arms around me as we sat in the back of Jackson's van and he kissed my greasey hair as he hit any bumps that made me wince with pain.

But thats all the gift I ever wanted, his arms around me so I took solace that at least one birthday I got it even if it was holding me together that day and I didn't know how close hell really was and how Taehyung finding me was just the icing on the cake before the feel depth of the evil candle flames took hold and took everything.