In Waves -Book 3

Chapter 33 - Chit Chat

It has certainly been an odd 48 hours and I am glad I had some alone time to figure this out and I didn't have to navigate all the other adult chores that would litter my day.

I knew Aera was ok and I would collect her later at my Cousin's house no doubt she had about six thousand fun stories to tell and she had run Clara and Jenson ragged, but I felt great peace because I had the best friends in the world, my own little pieced together family that drowned out any of the crap I had to grow up with.

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It was odd, I had been bought home by Hobi and after a lingering kiss and a hug I didn't want to leave, I had hermitted myself in my apartment for one more day, just so I could find some gravity for my feet and realize that was a new chapter that I didn't know fully how I would go through, but for now, I was feeling some happiness, some warmth in that part of my soul that I had pushed down and down ever since I had lost Namjoon, but I had to listen to both voices now, my conscience and his silent voice telling me in my mind that it was all ok, even if I could never really know if it was him in there or not.

Hobi's clothes sure were colorful compared to the stoic harsh dark colors I first met him in all those years ago, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't staying in them a little longer than acceptable because his smell lingered and it was like breathing in warm sunshine and made me smile.

But alas the day was running away from me and as I stepped back into my shower I stood there letting the water wash over me, and for once enjoying it properly, standing there and basking in the warm water, not punishing myself with the lava water I used as a way to hurt myself for crimes I hadn't done.

I smiled and it was like I could see his sunshine smile on me, but now and again I would picture Namjoon's smiles too, his smiles when he would watch me shower, and the laughs when we would slide around the shower when he took the piss and I tried to slap him with a washcloth and we almost both fell over.

It took years to realize it finally, hot water was always painful for me, it was trying to wash away the memories I thought I didn't deserve, it was trying to wash his old blood off me but maybe making me drown at the same time, as for years when I was a child I always thought drowning was the worst way to go after a child at my school had drowned and I had made the mistake of looking up what that was in the school library.

Ever since I lost him, I have tried to drown my happiness, and granted right now having an epiphany of this sort in the shower after I had finally started feeling for someone new made me wonder if I should tamper with the taps once more, but this is something I am going to have to learn, and this isn't going to be the first time that I am conflicted.

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The number 7 bus was always warm, even if it smelt a bit questionable at times, but it was regular and that link between mine and Ella's house allowed Aera to see all sorts of areas and it always kept her busy.

But it was always a time when I could rest, and today I was going to need it, as it was the day I was going to tell Ella what had happened this week, I was going to tell her about Hobi and I was hoping that this wasn't going to implode into something that I couldn't take back.

I followed the lines in the road predicting them before I even saw them and It wasa bright sunny mid-spring afternoon, the trees in full bloom where they stuck out the Camden pavement, and the sound of music and hustle and bustle floated in the air.

My feet knew the way without even looking up and as I got to her door I tried to apply my best game face and take whatever was about to come my way.

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