The Desires of The Heart

The Impossible is Possible?

No way.

There is absolutely no way this could be happening right now.

These thoughts spiral as I sit in our shared bedroom wondering what the actual hell is going on with me. Jasper is gone hunting with Alice and I don't know where Rose has disappeared to, so I get to sit in this anxiety alone and overthink possibilities that I know cannot be true.

It could just be transitioning into the slow aging thing Carlisle mentioned.

I shoot up from the bed, pacing between there and the bookcases just needing any type of outlet for the tension weighing my muscles down. Working on not completely spiraling, I try to take some deep breaths and reaffirm that these are just the normal changes to happen. We were prepared ahead of time for a reason, I shouldn't be worried over things I knew were going to happen. My body is moving from mortal to immortal, we were warned there was going to be some not normal things that take place during this transition. This mantra attempts to work its way into the spiral, and I hope it's enough to calm everything down.

I just gotta wait this out.

I begin to look through Jasper's book collection, hoping to find something that can occupy my attention until he can get home and talk me down from this ridiculous perch I've set myself on. Deciding to look at another one of his journals from his early times as a vampire, I bring it back to the bed and plop down before opening the leather binding. This one seems to take place after the Civil War, when he was with Maria and her army of newborns before the turn of the century. When we've talked about this time before, he's very quick to dismiss the pain he suffered outside of coming to terms with his immortal life. Feeling the emotions of every newborn he had to turn, train, then get rid of... I couldn't imagine what it was like, but I understand a little why it took him so long to adjust to this lifestyle and his worry when we found each other again.

After some time getting lost in his memories, I hear movement and muffled voices coming from downstairs and hoping Jasper is one of them, reignites the anxiety that has finally become quiet during this time. I don't have to wait long as there is a soft knock on our door seconds later, and Jasper opens the door with a smile, his amber eyes alight, before he tunes in to my emotions flooding the room and it fades slightly.

"You alrigh' Sweetheart?" He shuts the door behind him before crossing the floor to me on the bed, and taking my trembling hand in his.

"I don't know Jaz. I think I'm just overthinking and worrying about things I shouldn't, and it's putting me into quite the tizzy." I ramble, trying to laugh it off as I run my other hand through my hair.

"It's alright Sophia. Let me go through this with you. What's going on?"

Trying to find a way to put my spiral into a cohesive sentence, to make sense of what I'm thinking, is proving to be a bit more difficult than I originally thought. Jasper patiently waits while running his cool fingers over my knuckles in his grasp and the longer he does this, the better I begin to feel.

"Jasper... I think that I—"

We are interrupted by a door slamming open and a cacophony of voices downstairs quickly rising in pitch and speed, the two of us feeling the rising tension and fear downstairs. My stomach becoming a knot once again due to whatever is happening. We get up from our bed, my hand still in his, and begin to make our way to the stairs wondering what might be going on. I follow behind Jasper, and as we make it to the bottom of the stairs, I find it was Edward who slammed the door open as I watch him pace tensely in the living room area. I notice my sister no where close to him, but instead by Rose's side, which I find almost just as concerning, but I also notice we are the only two in the house not on edge–even though we feel it second hand.

"What's going on?" Jasper asks, sparing Edward a small glance before looking at Carlisle.

"We aren't quite sure yet, I'm afraid." I can hear the concern in Carlisle's words, but I'm even more confused by his emotions.

"It doesn't matter if we aren't quite sure. If she's correct, we need to act quickly." Edward bites out between gritted teeth, seething with an emotion that shocks me to my core.

"What..? Bella..what does he mean?" I ask finally acknowledging my shaking sister at Rosalie's side. She sputters around, not knowing what to say with all the attention suddenly on her.

"She thinks she might be pregnant." Rosalie speaks for her, and I feel my own shock mix with Jasper's.

"Thinks? That's impossible isn't it?" Jasper voices my thoughts exactly, my mind reeling.

"So we had thought in the past." Carlisle responds and this makes no sense, it sounds like he already believes Bella to be correct.

"What makes it different now? Have you confirmed it one way or another?"

"Alice can no longer see Bella's future. That's enough confirmation." Edward throws a hand in Alice's direction, and she glares slightly, but nobody says anything while Carlisle responds.

"Not yet, but I plan to run tests as soon as we can." Everyone looks to Bella and she nods, so Rose leads her upstairs to Carlisle's office and the room is quiet once more. Edward storms outside and it seems the room takes a breath, but there is still the lingering hesitation over the possibilities. This huge unknown sets the house on the edge of a razor, and Jasper and I look at each other before heading in Alice's direction to get her input on all this.

"When did all this happen?" We ask and she runs a hand down her face exhaling sharply.

"She called like a day and a half ago, saying she was late. I didn't know what to think until I couldn't see her any more, and I don't know what that could possibly mean. The last time that happened, it was the wolves that caused it..so this makes no sense."

She shrugs and we all just sit in a silence, just waiting for whatever it is Carlisle might be able to find out. As we wait, I have forgotten my earlier worries, overshadowed by the emotions of the house and it seems once again Bella has to come first..