The Desires of The Heart

My Heart is Yours

The next couple days after my disorienting experience were good, and Jasper and I spent a lot of time just getting to know each other, and he told me a bit about is human life in Texas whenever I would get those strange flashes of us together. Although, it is always an interesting conversation to have when talking about blood with a vampire...

Today Jasper invited me to his house, and thankfully Bella will be at school so it won't be as weird like last time, I surprisingly don't see her too much, but knowing Bella, she's got the constant air of judgement around her..

"Aren't you supposed to be at school with everyone else?" I laugh as he opens the front door for me, leading me into his warm house.

"After the third time, everything gets redundant so I'm aloud to cut class every now and again." He sasses with his crooked smile and a wink, causing me to blush and slap his shoulder playfully.

"Well then, no need to brag." I comment with a smile before another thought strikes me and my filter fails me.. "How do you do it?" I bite my lip as his expression falls. "I-I'm sorry, you don't have to--"

"No, it's okay. It's a valid question given what I told you when we first started seeing each other, and no doubt your sister probably hears the worse from Edward." He rolls his eyes slightly as we sit on the couch in his room surrounded by the soft music he put on earlier.

"How do you handle being in such a space with hundreds of--"

"Bodies?" He says with a chuckle and I simply nod. "It isn't easy I can tell you that, but I manage, because I have to." He pauses and I can see he's attempting to not "scare" me with whatever he's about to say next. So I grab his hand gently and smile, hoping he knows he can't scare me away.

"It's like..being around the blood, is like a drug addict being in an opium den. It's there, and I have easy access to it, I'm completely surrounded by it, and my body craves it, and it would be easier to give in to its call, but I have to remember who I am."

"Who you are?"

"When I was consumed by human blood, I wasn't myself, I had become someone I could barely recognize in the mirror. It's one of the main reasons I couldn't go back to Scarlette. I hated myself, my existence, and I didn't want her to see what I had become. Then Alice found me, brought me to Carlisle, and I began to feel myself again." He confesses with a small smile, and I squeeze his hand comfortingly.

"So then, being around me doesn't bother you...too much?" I ask shyly, unsure of how terrible the question sounded, and he chuckles slightly.

"No, it's strange...Your blood, doesn't smell like the rest...I know its strange sounding." He laughs as my nose crinkles a bit at the thought. "Your blood is different. It calls to me, but not in the sense that I want to drink it, I guess would be the honest word, but in the sense I want to be near it, there's something there that pulls me to you. And so, being around you, it's a comforting sense actually and makes it easier to be around other--humans." He smiles crookedly at me, and I feel better knowing I don't cause him any pain being so close, and am kinda thankful he doesn't want to drink my blood as much as I would've thought.

I smile at the memory as I finish editing a picture of the forest out by the Cullen's house, in the front room of my house, when suddenly the front door opens up, catching me off guard and I jump slightly. Quickly smiling when I realize it's just Jasper striding through the door, smiling widely at me.