The older brothers and the Younger sister

Drugs

TW: PANIC ATTACK, DRUGS

-XAVIER POV-

I was fucking pissed.

Calla was on her bed asleep, Mateo was next to her. Ethan went upstairs to talk to Leo, I was in my room.

I had so many emotions going through me, I didn't know what to feel.

All I felt was anger, sadness, confusion.

I do not like feeling emotion, I blocked it out but it's coming back slowly. I don't want it back, I hate feeling it.

I sighed and threw my head into the pillow, I'm so worried about Calla. We always had a strong bond, Calla always use to play with me and we use to get ice cream together.

Mateo.. I loved him so much. I couldn't live without him, I always pushed him away as kids.. I think that fucked up out relationship. now I feel like he doesn't trust me, I feel like he doesn't trust me enough to actually open up.

I know something is wrong with him, I can see it in his eyes. He looks.. empty. I want him to trust me again, I don't think he ever will.

i always use to go to drugs when I felt like this, I was trying to refrain myself from doing that today. Last time I done drugs, Ethan and Leo got pissed at me, they shouted for hours. It made me feel worse.

i sighed and grabbed my phone, I pulled up my contacts and scrolled down.

WEED MAN

Me: Hey, you got any weed?
weed man: you got money?
Me: of course I have.
Weed man: Then yes, I have weed. want me to drop it off at the same place?
Me: yeah.
I got up and put a hoodie on, I know I shouldn't do it. I can't help it, I need something to make myself feel better about this shitty world.

I walked out of the house and went to the place around the corner from the house, it was up the road from here. It was a little cafe, we always done our deals there.

I saw him waiting there, I walked over to him. "long time no see, Xavier." He said, I groaned "shut up, Collin. Give me the drugs." I said annoyed

He rolled his eyes and pulled a small bag of weed out of his pocket, I gave him the money and took the weed. we said our goodbyes and I left.

I walked to a random park, I cannot risk Ethan and Leo seeing it. I can't risk Mateo seeing it either, he was broken the first time he saw me doing it. I once again pushed him away, he eventually stopped trying.

i rolled the weed up into tobacco and a cigarette paper, I lit it with my red skull lighter and inhaled it. I blew the smoke out, it felt so good. I forgot how amazing it felt to be honest, I sighed as I felt most of my troubles wash away.

I remembered the day Ethan and Leo found out.

FLASHBACK

"Xav- What the hell do u think you are doing, Xavier Chase?" Leo yelled. 

Fuck, I got caught. I coughed on the smoke inside my mouth and quickly blew it out and dropped the blunt out the window. I turned round and Leo looked angry, Livid.

My eyes were sore from crying so much. 

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Leo asked, His face showed nothing but anger. 

I didn't look at him, I looked at the floor. I barely looked up, I was sitting out the window. My legs were hanging down from the window.

I heard Leo's angry footsteps come towards me. He grabbed my arm and pretty much dragged me off the window and into my bedroom again. Leo made me look at him.

"Ethan!" Leo yelled, "What?" Ethan asked as he came into the room. "Xavier was fucking smoking and it was fucking drugs! His eyes are fucking red, and his pupils are dilating." Leo said.

I was trying not to cry again, I cannot fucking cry. I cannot show I am weak! I can't be weak, I can never be weak.

I will be a man.

Ethan's face quickly turned into anger. 

He stormed over to me and pulled my jaw up so he could see my face, His eyes were filled with anger. 

I don't know where Mateo is. 

"Oh my fucking god. Xavier what were you thinking?!" Leo yelled. My breathing got heavier, What is going on?

This isn't the drugs. I have been this high before and this never happened, Why can't I breathe?

"Fuck sake. I'm going to get him water" Ethan muttered angrily. He walked out of the room, Leaving me and Leo alone in the room. 

"Xavier, What the fuck is wrong with you-" Leo cut himself off when he looked at me again, I wasn't listening anymore. I was panicking on the fact I can't breathe, Why am I panicking. I'm a fucking baby. I'm weak.

"Xavier?" Leo asked. Anger still in his tone but It softened more.

"hey- Xavier, What's wrong?" He asked as he looked me up and down. I can't speak.

Leo grabbed my hands and lead me over to the bed, and sat down next to me. "Look at me, Breathe in and out." He instructed. 

FLASH BACK ENDED-

I got a long yelling at by Ethan and Leo later that night.

I took another hit of the blunt, I can only hope Ethan and Leo didn't know I was gone. "Xavier?" I heard a Familiar voice. I looked up, I saw Mateo. 

"Mateo?" I asked, He walked towards me and sat on the swing next to me. "Give me." He said, I realised he was talking about the blunt. 

"your 15." I scolded him, "Your point? Your 19." He said, I rolled my eyes. I'm going to get killed if Leo and Ethan find out I gave Mateo drugs.

I gave Mateo the blunt. 

He smoked it like he already knew how to do it. He passed it back to me as he blew the smoke out and closed his eyes as he done it.

I inhaled the blunt again. It felt so good. 

....

 this took me forever to write

i went on omegle again, i saw a dick. i am scared

i also found this guy on a game and I was in a discord call with him for 5 hours. I was literally just yelling at him to sort his laptop and telling him to shut the fuck up the whole time- It was great ended up adding him on snapchat

and one of my tiktok accounts got banned

anyways love yall <3

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